Need some Advice: Am I in the wrong?

[ari568]

A little back story, we’ve been married for a year and half about to be 2 years. After having our daughter and getting married, things just changed and we just started having marital problems. One would be when it comes to sex whenever he wants I would always do it even when I don’t want to. It gotten to the point where I don’t even want to do it anymore and feels like chore, it became a turn off. Whenever I tell him I don’t want to do it, he’ll keep asking over and over until I just give in just to get it over with. These would be the argument we would have about sex. That’s just a portion. If there anything you need more information I can give more info. Am I in the wrong, I'm just annoyed by this. (I am seeing a therapist currently, I just started seeing her we haven't spoken about sex in my relationship yet, but I will in my next session)

Jesus Christ. The tone of his messages is really worrying. You are absolutely right to tell him he is not entitled to your body and that you have complete autonomy of it.

I don't think it would hurt to acknowledge that there are problems with intimacy in your relationship but that is something you can both work on together, possibly with couples therapy.

But for him to demand you give him attention or he'll leave you...? Looks like a controlling arsehole to me. Personally, I'd be ending the relationship before it gets any worse. He does not sound like a nice guy at all.

JFC those texts are awful. Just who the fuck does he think he is?!

I'd call his bluff and tell him to leave, quite frankly. This 'man' has absolutely no respect for you. You're just there to service his needs.

Manipulative, controlling creep fucker. He won’t change, he thinks he owns you. Get a divorce and keep on with your therapy to help you to see how wrong this is.

He's an abuser. Do not stay with this man. As for the advice to acknowledge the problem and go for couples therapy ? WTF?

Yes, all of the above. Please please don't go to any therapy with this man- he's a controlling abuser. Those messages made me feel sick. You have not given a part of yourself to him in marriage. He does not get to claim your body whenever he wants to. Please please leave. He won't change and you deserve so much better x

I wouldn’t want to be saddled with this prick. Let him go OP.

Unfortunately, when it comes to sex, some men just won’t listen. It’s like they’re deaf when it involves anything other than what they want.

Are you a couple of faith @ari568 ? Your messages read as if you are. If that's the case, I understand why he's saying the ridiculous things he is.

If you are believers, then please make sure your therapist is qualified with the overarching uk legal body. Lots of religious establishments use their own "trained" counsellors... Which often amounts to 3 x 3hrs of training.

You are definitely in the right. He has no right to say it think what he's typed.

From a male perspective that's absolutely awful, ive been through dry patches sexually in my marriage but would never speak to my partner like that, may i ask if there is any cultural/religious background context ? trying to understand the mans though process, no offence intended but the way the texts are worded seems like broken english , is this man from a culture were them viewpoints are more shared?

He sounds like an idiot with outdated views but at the same time there is nothing positive in your responses to suggest you even like him.. which makes me think you do need to just tell him you’re not attracted to him and get a divorce. No therapy, just split.

He's an abuser. Your avoiding the issue by withholding sex as its something he wants.

Just end it.

Wtf
What an oppressed outdated view
He is a vile abusive controlling person who will manipulate you until he gets what he wants

Omg- those texts are shocking. Personally I think you need to end this marriage.

An AS of your posts @ari568 shows that you have been having problems beyond just sex for some time - and also that your husband is a very unpleasant man.

Why are you asking - again - for advice? You've been given the same advice by everyone on here! This man needs to go.

OP, do you feel any attraction towards him at all? Why are you staying if you don't even want to spend time with him? And not even talking about sex. And even in your replies you seem very indifferent. Perhaps it's better not to keep hurting eachother?

Keep those messages OP and send them on to an email he cannot access. I don’t want to alarm you but considering his views he may well justify it to himself one day that he is entitled to ‘force’ or ‘take’ your body as you have already agreed to this in principle (in his warped eyes) when you agreed to marry. His justifications in those texts already are very worrying. You should leave as ultimately I don’t think you are particularly safe in a house with a man with views like this x

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous, they're not hurting each other, he is hurting her. She has done nothing wrong and his behaviour is extremely worrying

He thinks as the husband he has the final say?? What a mysoginistic prick he is. Being married doesn't mean your body isn't your own anymore, wtf values has he been brought up with, jesus

Well yes, he's pushy, but the crux of this, is that he still wants sex with you, and you have zero desire to have sex with him. The marriage is over. You don't need a therapist, you need a divorce. Hopefully, one day you will find someone who you find so sexy, that you will want to sleep with him all the time. This guy isn't floating your boat in any way, shape or form.