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He couldn't get hard

7 replies

ehfar100 · 05/02/2024 19:10

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend 5 years & we have never had an issue with our sex life. Always been great. Tonight we attempted to have sex and he couldn't get hard. This has NEVER happened. It was seriously awkward. This has genuinely never happened us or him before. We had to stop as it just wasn't working. He got so embarrassed he teared up. I got paranoid that I'm not attractive or is he seeing someone else etc and he reassured me that he genuinely does not know why he couldn't get hard. I would like to add we're early twenties. He's embarrassed & has just popped to the shop , he said when he comes back can we not talk about it and pretend it never happened. Is this normal to happen at times? I'm a bit confused & paranoid. He seems genuinely embarrassed. I told him it's okay and he doesn't need to be embarrassed it's only me. But definitely strange as it's never happened before. Would you say this is normal? I worry the next time we try it'll be the same...

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Yozzer87 · 05/02/2024 19:38

I think it's happened twice in my 9 year relationship with my DH ( late 30s). It happens sometimes for any number of reasons. If it's the first time it's happened it's unlikely to be anything to do with you. Stress, tiredness, illness, his mind on something else can all be a factor. The more you talk about it and complain about it to him, the more likely it is to happen again because it will cause him to worry about it more. Try and put it behind you.

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nameForThis99 · 05/02/2024 20:15

As PP said that can loads of reasons, stress, anxiety, worry , tiredness, meds , mental health - literally anything can cause this.
The more you focus on it, the more it will happen as becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, forget about it for now and move on - it it happens often then a gp visit needed as usual for someone so young

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Offwiththecircus · 05/02/2024 20:23

It happens
Wouldn't bother about just once or twice.
He shouldn't worry either.
Make sure that you aren't under the surface leaking some signs of disapproval.
(Am male)

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itsmyp4rty · 05/02/2024 20:27

You've been having sex for years why would you suddenly think he's not attracted to you? This is a problem he has, you need to stop making it about you. Just give him lots of affection and carry on as normal, let him take the lead as to when he wants to try again - no pressure.

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Berryberrywintermedley · 06/02/2024 15:01

It happens. Just like some women don't produce enough lube themselves so need lubrication.whats the big deal? He isn't a fucking robot

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PinotPony · 06/02/2024 15:30

It's perfectly "normal" and I wouldn't be at all concerned. Don't make a big deal out of it but equally don't pretend it didn't happen. Acknowledge that he feels a bit shit about it, reassure him it's ok. Just put it down to a bad day and move on.

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harerunner · 08/02/2024 09:39

You're making far too big a deal of this for a one time issue.

The problem is, your reaction will make it far more likely to happen again! Both of you have made a mountain out of a molehill... The way you've dealt with this is far more potentially damaging to your relationship than the one-off inability to get an erection.

The more you make a big deal out of him having an erection, the less likely he will be to have one! It sounds like you both have some maturing to do.

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