Mismatched sex drives

[Bourbon75]

How do you deal with it? What's the compromise? So many emotions and feelings it's hard to not take it personally though deep down I know that's not the case.

I’ve been in this position and really, there is no compromise because you can’t expect someone to have sex when they don’t want it, which is exactly what compromising in this situation would entail.

Looking at the many, many, many threads on here about this subject, you will discover that there is no easy answer.

To add, my situation is currently resolved but it was an unusual remedy and unlikely to suit anyone else’s circumstances so I won’t post it here.

Just keep talking to each other. At least reassurances can be given. It’s not easy though. I know how tough it is to be constantly rejected.

Thanks he's not rejected me as such. He just said he only wants sex 1 - 2 times a week whereas I want more. This is a recent thing since I've been peri menopausal. I've had raging hormones and we've gone from having sex once a month or less to much more. I felt like I was being a sex pest so I asked him what his ideal was.

I think it’s different for both sides, the person with the higher drive feels rejected and the person with the lower drive feels pressured into sex when they don’t want to.

if you are currently having more than previously then it sounds like both of have reached a good compromise, maybe just let him know that sex is available if he wants, rather than try to pressure him in it

The fact that you're discussing it is is more than half the battle. You'll both find a compromise that works.

I’m in the same boat, I would have it every day if I could but currently 2-3 times a week and I only live with partner 4 days out of the 7 a week, think he’s relieved when one of us goes home! I do know he really enjoys it so I try not to feel too rejected if he is not in the mood. Him cuddling me if he doesn’t want to still makes me feel close to him as I want sex not only for the physical side of it but the emotional connection … try and find other ways to feel close. How is the rest of your relationship .. do you hug/ kiss/ hold hands often?

Also it’s really interesting that you used to have sex once a month … it’s quite a jump to twice a week… do you have children and how long have you been together. It’s great you are talking .. we often talk about sex frequency, and also what we enjoyed about the sex we had and what we want more of! Been together 4 years after years with ex dp and sexless marriage for last 5 years of that!

Been together over 20 years. 2 teens. Eldest went through a really tough time a few years back and it absolutely affected us hence very little sex. We actually went 18 months without it. Just existed alongside each other. I'm now on hrt and feel completely different. We do cuddle alot and peck on lips. But I agree, intimacy needs to be about snogging and touching etc much more, not just full sex.

You both sound lovely as a couple and to go through such a hard time together and come out the other end!

Aww thank you. He is my best friend and after feeling so dead inside for so long I'm so relieved to throughly enjoy sex again! That much so I've gone crazy and want it all the time 😂

Hahah well enjoy! I really hope I’m with that with my DP in 20 years time! Sex for me is really important way to connect with my partner and feel desired. I also try and restrain myself from making the first move … nothing nicer than DP pulling me back into bed when I try to get up! x

How does your DH feel about that, do he feel s under pressure to “perform “ all the time now ?

No he doesn't. We chatted again last night. I've said he can let me know when he wants to and I don't want him to feel pressured at all.
Yes I want more if I'm honest but I guess it will make me enjoy it even more when we do.