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First sex and he called me selfish

13 replies

Londdi · 20/01/2024 09:27

So I had second date with a man yesterday and we ended up having sex. I cum, he didn’t (I tried - gave him oral sex, we had sex twice during the night). I admit I was having quite bit of wine, but thought we had enjoyable night. I told him prior to this that I’m bit nervous as I haven’t had sex for a long time. This morning I was leaving - went to give him a kiss and he went to tell me I was really selfish last night and that he was disappointed. I left in tears to be honest and don’t know what to think of it. My confidence wasn’t great to start with, but even tho he didn’t finish I thought he had fun. Also alcohol obviously played role. I wish he could have just let it go as a first time and maybe have more gentle conversation . I don’t know how to continue … any advice ? Was I really that bad for not making him finish ? I never see orgasm as a goal (I don’t cum sometimes but wouldn’t even think about telling someone after one night that they are selfish). Can we recover ?

OP posts:
Mrsknowitall · 20/01/2024 09:56

You are the second date in, let go of this one and be glad you realised what a wanker he is! Absolutely not worth your tears esp this early on.

GigiAnnna · 20/01/2024 11:18

I wouldn't want to see someone again who thought it was ok to treat me like this. Personally speaking, even if the sex is not that great or we haven't really gelled in bed, the men I've been with have still came, unless there were other issues at play. It's usually a lot easier for a man to orgasm during intercourse than a woman, so I don't think him not cumming is down to you lying there like a dead fish. I think more likely he's been put off by something or gets off on making women feel bad, so he's using this against you.

BensBounty · 20/01/2024 12:04

I don’t know how to continue … any advice ?

Yes, don't ever contact him again.

Nocturna · 20/01/2024 13:00

Sounds like he just wanted sex, and is now being an asshole so you don’t contact him again. He’s twisted it to be you rather than him

StarlightLady · 20/01/2024 13:11

Mrsknowitall · 20/01/2024 09:56

You are the second date in, let go of this one and be glad you realised what a wanker he is! Absolutely not worth your tears esp this early on.

This.

And be thankful that you found out sooner rather than later, which is why going for sex early on is often a the best idea. Sort them out early!

DonnaBanana · 20/01/2024 14:12

I wouldn’t be entertaining continuing a relationship with someone who is that honest about a tender thing. There is a time for white lies and this was one!

PinotPony · 20/01/2024 16:48

He's embarrassed that he didn't cum and is making it out to be your fault. Throw this one back and move on.

StarlightLady · 20/01/2024 17:47

DonnaBanana · 20/01/2024 14:12

I wouldn’t be entertaining continuing a relationship with someone who is that honest about a tender thing. There is a time for white lies and this was one!

I don’t believe for one minute that he was honest.

Marineboy67 · 20/01/2024 21:56

What a twat...throw that back and move on! Sometimes things are instant but good sex often takes time develop as you get to know someone more. To say that after the first time is unrecoverable in my opinion. Imagine if you'd said sorry but you didn't last long enough and your not big enough! He's a cunt...

nameForThis99 · 20/01/2024 22:40

DonnaBanana · 20/01/2024 14:12

I wouldn’t be entertaining continuing a relationship with someone who is that honest about a tender thing. There is a time for white lies and this was one!

the sex might not have good for him on rhis occasion, but a white lie would have certainly been a better option!

Londdi · 21/01/2024 15:37

Thank you everyone for your replies. He didn’t even contacted me since that night so I’m guessing it’s over anyway.

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 21/01/2024 18:58

Ick! Be glad he's gone!

'Disappointed'?? He sounds like he was a reviewing a performance not sharing a sexual experience with another human being!

If he pops back up please don't be tempted to try again to 'prove' yourself, he's either a unbelievably rude man or intentionally 'negging' you to lower your self esteem.

Sashya · 22/01/2024 00:40

It's definitely his issue, not yours. Maybe he is on antidepressants, or has some other issue or nerves that made it difficult to come. But that is not an issue, really.
His attitude about it - is crappy. Being so insecure that he needed to make it out to be your fault is ridiculous.

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