I’m two extremes !! Something wrong

[Autumngirl7]

Hi so I have a really low sex drive only having sex roughly once every three months! Sometimes less. The thing is when I do have it I really let myself go and become very confident/vocal and liberated!! But afterwards I instantly feel repulsed and overwhelmed and ashamed of myself like who was I. Then the rest of the time I look at my dp and he doesn’t turn me on at all! I regret what I did until I do it again !! It’s very messed!

I can’t help but I’m interested in anyone else’s view, my wife was like this, it really messed with me.

Your description is exactly how i felt she felt about me, I couldn’t understand it (the contrast) I tried to talk about it, but was told she definitely wasn’t ashamed, but she didn’t want to talk about it at all.

btw - I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but probably something you need some help working through

Maybe it's time for a new DP.

That’s interesting to hear your wife was the same. Never met anyone else like it! Is she still the same ?
I have considered finding new dp but not as easy as that

hi

i don’t know for certain that it’s how she felt, but it seems so close it’s very likely. She always said she wasn’t ashamed of it,
just didn’t want to talk about it, whilst I couldn’t understand how we had sex every 6 months, and she was really into it when we did.

it made me feel she was having sex with someone else, enjoying it, as I couldn’t comprehend how little sex she wanted with me vs what happened when we had sex.

she definitely wasn’t but my mind was all over the place.

as for how is it now, very complicated- long story but still trying to work it all out, but not fixed, hence really interested in any insight on this thread

Maybe look into therapy to work out why you're reacting like that.

It sounds very hormone driven, combined with the incorrect feeling that you are doing something wrong.

How were parental attitudes etc when you look back to your teens and beyond?

Def hormones play a part!

This kind of behaviour is definitely unsettling for yourself and your partner. Has he said anything about your time gaps between sex? Surely your body language must be a give away, if he doesn't turn you on at all. It might be better to speak to a GP and therapist. One for hormone testing and the second to really explore your feelings of shame, after a completely natural act.

It’s too complicated I just don’t like him really he’s got some gross ways and is very selfish but I am trapped!!

Same. I'm 35, he's 43 together 12 years. Last dtd in September - I think! over time he's stopped initiating because my libido is virtually dead. Any sex we do have is because I'm conscious so long has elapsed and I feel duty bound tbh. I'm not on hormonal contraception, nor medication nor have any mh issues. I simply have low libido!