Worried I’m too ‘loose’ - tensing

[Woaluka]

I’ve had 3 natural births so naturally my vagina isn’t what it was when I was 18, but I’m totally paranoid that I’m loose. I have no idea but I’ve also always had these thoughts even pre children.

Every time I have sex now I’m tensing my vagina throughout to try to be tighter. My question is (for men and women I guess!) does this actually make it tighter, or should I try to relax more and not think too much of it. Does anyone else do this?

I’ve never orgasmed during PIV so I usually have mine first, then it’s ’his turn’ if you like. It’s not that I don’t enjoy PIV it just isn’t something that will make me orgasm. Just wanted to gather thoughts as I’d never mention IRL!

It's not you.

My female partner has never orgasmed via PIV ( nor has any previous partner), so I think that’s not uncommon really.

is the “tensing” not a bit distracting for you? , maybe you should try to relax a bit more.?
has your partner mentioned anything?

My female partner would probably share your impressions - she doesn't orgasm through PiV, and I try to give her "her turn", but then she clearly wants PiV to be "my turn", focusing on pleasing me, and her attention to doing it right for me reduces her own pleasure.

I often wish that I persuaded her to, simply, enjoy herself - because experiencing her joys and her desire is a huge turn on for me. Given that, it doesn't matter much if she makes this or that move for me - at least not as much as making any move she actually enjoys! I suspect that applies to many couples.

Like other respondents have written, women don't always orgasm through PiV, but if you wanted to improve your experience, and probably his too, you could try a thing or two. Why not experiment with relaxing, and then ask your lover which he likes? You might discover he enjoys it whether you tighten or not. If you don't feel up to asking (as you said you couldn't bring this IRL), gauge his reaction... Practice makes perfect, as they say 😉. Also, while you struggle to talk IRL about things that make you uneasy in the bedroom, why not talk about what you (would) enjoy?

In any case, I want to reassure you - in my experience, a woman having a good time with me is something so rich and pleasurable, that simply doing what you enjoy will give your lover a fantastic sexual experience.