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Kissing with tongues

7 replies

Drowningincokezero · 08/01/2024 00:40

Well, I am cringing writing this but as I cringe about it more irl I thought it's about time I tried to address this and would appreciate your thoughts.
I was with my ex-dh for 27 years, split 2 years ago and have now found someone new. Ex-dh and I always had issues within our sex life. Well, the first few younger years were good, as I can see now, led by me. It dwindled over time and included several hurtful episodes where he'd say things like my vagina was too big, I got too wet, I was a useless kisser. I don't know if this was designed to stop my advances, as in later years he admitted to be being asexual. That marked the end of our marriage (after me trying to limp on for a fair while). My new partner is quite the opposite and nothing but complimentary. The sex is amazing and we can be, and are very open with each other. He assures me that he finds me attractive and enjoys the sex, that I'm not too big and there's no such thing as too wet in his opinion! However the doubts over my kissing abilities still haunt me. To the point that I only kiss with lips. Before I met my ex-dh I enjoyed French kissing guys very much, and I long to be able to enjoy this with my current partner. I just get too in my own head. Where do I even start to put this right? What if I am bad at it? It'll be so cringey to ask for feedback!! Oh help!!!

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Rieslinger · 08/01/2024 11:13

Well it sounds like you are doing the right things talking and sharing your concerns with your current DP and it sounds like you are getting all very positive responses!!

Only thing I could suggest is perhaps talking with your DP and that you want to reignite your love for French Kissing and would they be up for helping you with that...??

My money is on a hearty hell yes!

Good luck and report back.

GigiAnnna · 08/01/2024 11:56

Just relax, let it come naturally and let passion take over. Try not to overthink. I don't think anyone is really a terrible kisser, unless maybe lack of experience plays a part, but that can be improved.

Agiftandacurse · 08/01/2024 11:58

I don’t think there is such a thing as a good or bad kisser. Just people who kiss in a similar way to us and we have chemistry with (or not). Chances are if you love kissing him, he’ll love kissing you too!

ButteryBiscuitBaseBiscuitBase · 08/01/2024 12:19

Lick his lips as you're snogging and see what he does?

Drowningincokezero · 08/01/2024 13:09

Ok... Just seems like it's a case of going for it and trying, trying, trying not too put too much thought into it! Reading my original post back to myself I'm seeing that its definitely my ex-dh who planted that seed and why should that one be true and none of the other horrible things he made me feel about myself? Thanks for the reassurances that the feedback will come in the form of 'if I enjoy it, so will he', I can see that makes sense. So here goes, I've got to get past this bit an onto a life where it really doesn't warrant another self depreciating thought. Thanks again x

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NotASexBomb · 08/01/2024 19:26

IMHO the most important thing in all aspects of a relationship, sex included, is communication.
It sounds like you've got a great, supportive, communicative partner, so don't overthink it.

Just follow your instinct, then ask him what he likes more or less, and take it from there.

Drowningincokezero · 08/01/2024 22:01

That's a great tip for getting feedback, i'd be much happier asking those type of questions instead of was I good/bad? Thanks @NotASexBomb I'm going to use that!

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