Ok so was in a relationship for 18 years where I was always the one who said no. He always wanted, insisted to the point it annoyed me and I did without wanting to avoid a fight. I wanted a lot early in the relationship but after kids, stress and emotional abuse I gradually fell out of love and I know the reason I didnt want was because I didnt feel attracted anymore. Plus was on the pill and I know it has super impacted my libido.
Now with a new person I love and on coper coil plus pre menopausal I guess in my 40s so I always always want it. But for the first time I feel I have to initiate and it makes me insecure. He's a bit shy and super respectful so I dont know if thats him also being scared of rejection as he never then says no, but the fact that I need to signal almost every time is annoying... I get upset. He's also gone soft a few times, whereas ex never ever, so I cant help feel a bit rejected or afraid I'll be the bitter one this time and its almost pay back from how I rejected my ex so much. I guess I end up comparing with how I felt whenever I said no, and fear his lack of initiation is an indication he is not that into me. He did say he didnt want to do with his ex so maybe he just has a lower drive, and again, he tells me he "always want it", but it doesn't feel like it as he initiates less than me and I feel like a horny mess!
How should I see this? Approach with him? I don't want to be upset but I do... I believe he loves me and I do him, we have the best sex of our lives, but it's new for me for a man to go soft or just struggle to cum when he is clearly very much turned on... I should add he is an anxious person and is taking antidepressants now, but I haven't felt a difference in bed, it's same as before the pills really.