Introducing kinks into the bedroom when you've only ever had vanilla sex?

[forevervanilla]

Hello. I'm 29 and I've only ever had sex that could be considered vanilla. I've never really done anything that would be considered kinky. However I have been having some thoughts about things I'd like to try. I have a boyfriend who also doesn't have any experience with kinks. So the things I'm thinking of trying are handcuffs, blindfolds, tying him up (or being tied up myself) and using a whip. I'd like to give it a try at least. How do you bring it up if neither of you has done anything kinky? I'm thinking of maybe mentioning one thing at first and seeing if he likes the idea of it.

I left it far too long, based on my inexperience, and now we don't talk about fantasies. Yours might not be the best way but I think you do need to share or probe at this stage.

Take It slowly! Work your up to being tied up and using a whip, I'd suggest. Loads of time to build up and develop ideas once you've broached the subject with him initially.

I agree. Start slow and work your way up. Talking about what you want gets easier the more you do it and the more confident you become.

I think there are 'sexy' games you can buy from Anne Summers etc which might be a fun and lighthearted way to start to explore this sort of stuff. They come with cards or dice that say things like 'two spanks on...' etc

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/lubes-essentials/sexy-gifts-games/adult-games/?g_cmp=14345381916&g_adg=126334710699&g_ad=588696311214&g_target=kwd-17355627&g_network=g&gclid=CjwKCAiA7t6sBhAiEiwAsaieYoQowtJC2z1ufnw2wW19vgwYspg1Q1jyEJTUG9fIRLyTA67D6mXH9hoC7I8QAvD_BwE&lh_cpt=gen&gad_source=1

Being tied up might be fine if you can get out of it at will; under mattress restraints are available that won’t break the bank. A whip may well go beyond the pain threshold you want, be careful. As for handcuffs, there is a danger of them failing and you ending up in A&E.

Communicate, have fun, but with caution. And finally go careful you do not just become a make plaything!

Just bring it up exactly as you did here, maybe suggest a simple blindfold 1st before you move to tied and whipped

Google 'mojo upgrade', or 'mojo upgrade alternatives'. You will find a variety of free questionnaires that you and your partner complete separately. You are given various scenarios and respond to each one with either a 'wholehearted yes', a 'maybe, if my partner wanted to', or a 'no way whatsoever'. When you get the results you cannot see the things your partner said that they would never do, so there is no embarrassment over them thinking 'Yuk, they wanted to do that to me? They must be perverted.' You only get to see the yeses and the maybes.

All you need to do is have a chat about wanting to spice up what happens in the bedroom, and then each do the questionnaire.

Best wishes!

If you’re struggling to even talk about sex, I’d be very wary of doing anything you’ve mentioned.

Communication and trust is vital, if you’re not comfortable to talk about sex, then you don’t yet have a good enough relationship to go down this path. One of you could do something you don’t want to do during sex or get hurt because you’re embarrassed to talk openly and honestly.

I realize I'm very late to the party here and I hope you're all still around. I'm just after some clarification.

What would be classed as a vanilla sex life and what's considered kinky? DW and I have been married for 26 years and our sex life is adventurous and incredible. But Ive heard people say that, unless youre dogging or swinging then your vanilla. I dont think monogamy and intimacy is vanilla (another word for boring). Short of listing everything myself and Mrs PeanutFlip get up to, I wonder how you decide where the distinction is?

Genuine question. Hope everyone's having a good week. 😊

Does it matter how vanilla is defined?

Vanilla is my favourite flavour and I'm very adventurous but not into kink or fetishes.

In fact a lover once said I wasn't vanilla because I was his 'cumslut' but again I don't see what is non vanilla about that really!

Be wary that you don't get yourself on a path that leads to places you will hate.
Talk to blokey and suggest that you watch some porn that you have chosen. If you look through sites you will find what might be acceptable to you. I have no suggestions myself, not into that scene.
You take the lead and you keep control that way you won't get hurt or put off sex for life.

Had to report an unsolicited message only minutes after I posted that 🙄

I'm not really fussed. Its just something Ive always wondered.😂