Inability to orgasm

[PluckedFeatherDuster]

NC for this, and unsure whether this belonged in Sex or Women's Health.

I'm 30 and ever since I started being sexually active at 17, I have never been able to have an orgasm during penetrative sex. Additionally, it's also incredibly hard for me to climax through foreplay. The only time I can is by using a clitoral rose sex toy or if someone goes down on me (however this would also still take a long time and would require me to focus intensely). It's gotten so frustrating that I'm actually starting to wonder whether I even have a G-spot or if I'm otherwise "defective" in some way?

Been with my new partner for 3 months. He's great in every way emotionally and sexually (in the sense that he's very keen to please and have taken onboard what makes me "tick"). He really has tried hard to make me sing the high notes but I just haven't been able to. I've explained that it's nothing to do with him and that it is simply how my body is and always has been. I've suggested we could use above mentioned toy and I'd love to have him use it on me, but he feels really disappointed that he's not been able to make me climax.

It's a big issue for me because I'd really like to be able to get off with more ease, rather than it being some sort of almost unachievable goal. I just don't know what to do at this point.

I also have some issues orgasming and still haven't had one through penetrative sex alone. I only had one for the first time through oral sex in the last 6 months, after 6 months of regular practising.

I think the key is to not place too much importance on it which is extremely difficult! I know this works for me though, because I am now regularly managing to orgasm through oral because I know it is going to happen and I don't worry about it! (Small pause for celebratory fireworks there)
If the time or situation means that oral isn't possible then both of us are happy for me to use a toy and he certainly doesn't mind how I get there and doesn't take it as a slight on his skills (which are exceptional, tbf)
I think your partner needs to take the pressure off both of you and use your rose on you. You know that it works and you will relax into it rather than both of you worrying if you will achieve your orgasm.
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My suggestion would be to try not to worry about it, keep using the toy, read up about ideas on here and elsewhere and keep trying different things.

One of these days I might get there and orgasm during penetrative sex but if I don't, I don't, because sex is still blooming marvellous however I get there.

My partner can struggle to get to orgasm, we have one of the rose toys, I use it to get her most of the way, then swap to fingers or tongue to get her “singing the high notes “. ( which to be honest, saves me lots of work)

she has very rarely orgasmed from PIV , I think only once or twice after her orgasm we have swapped PIV and she has cum again.

I think only a couple of women I've ever slept with have managed it through PIV. Oral has been much easier. My wife needs oral/hands/toys to get there even though she loves PIV.

Lots of women don't orgasm through penetration alone so you are not unusual. I'm 36 and only started having penetrative orgasms regularly when I was 28 which is when I met my DH. Before that I would cum sometimes with past partners but more often than not I wouldn't or I would have to stimulate my clit.
Sex position, level of arousal, penis size, sexual chemistry all contributed to whether I'd have an orgasm or not. If your rose toy isn't doing much for you how about changing to a more traditional vibrator? I find that personally those suction type toys take me a long while to build up anywhere near to an orgasm and I get on better with vibrators.

Maybe we need a women’s health sex topic. Where men can’t post!

I posted once about trying to orgasm through piv and only men replied 😭

I'm a woman and the second poster is a woman also I assume. If you look up usernames you can usually get a general sense if someone is being genuine or not.

I would think that’s highly impossible to police. MN has no way of stopping men from posting. Anyone can join (and rightly so). Most posts from men on here are harmless and it’s useful to get experience from the “other side” sometimes. Don’t write them all off.

Harmless I’m sure. But for some reason I don’t want sex tips from the sort of guy who would post on mumsnet sex forum 😂

But you're on it too so not sure that makes you any different? Or do you just think that women are not sexual beings who only experience problems with sex and that all the other positive sex threads are written by men? I'm a woman too by the way.

That's harsh @Agiftandacurse
I don't have the P part of the PIV and if someone with a penis can help their partner to orgasm, then I'd like to know what they do so that maybe I can have that pleasure one day?

What a surprise.

Neither do I.
This board is a haven for perverts.

You really can’t see a difference between 1) a woman wanting to use a board on a forum named for women, populated by 90%+ women, to post about an intimate issue affecting her as a woman, in order to seek advice and experiences from fellow women, and 2) the men who only hang around the Sex board of said female-centric forum, many of whom are married and just using the board to flirt with female users (or who they hope are female users anyway) behind their wives’ backs?

@Agiftandacurse Me too! Well..I got a fair few (unwanted) private messages from men after posting about a sexual issue here! And I’d never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but they don’t seem to think twice before making me feel uncomfortable! I think the rule is to ask before sending a private message..

@Onlinetherapist did you report these men to MNHQ?

@Agiftandacurse I ignored them and they just gave up..of course it starts with a fairly innocuous message, disguised as wanting to help..some lame excuse as to why they would rather not reply on the thread..not much to report really (apart from the fact that they have sent an unsolicited message I suppose).
I guess it’s a numbers game, a certain number of women they message might reply/start chatting to them. Not for me x

It's very much against the TGs, and MNHQ should be informed, so these pervy men can be banned.

Careful…a klaxon will have gone off somewhere and the hordes will descend with flaming torches and pitchforks because you dared to use the “p” word without first conducting a thorough assessment of precisely what you mean when you use it 😉

🤣🤣🤣

I was in my late 40s when I rode a cock for my own pleasure. I gave up worrying whether my boobs or stomach were too big and concentrated on me. I gave up all inhibitions and finally had orgasms through PIV.
Id say, be selfish, lose and enjoy yourself. Men actually enjoy it too.