Do you really need to use contraception over the age of 50?

[Polynerd]

DH and I have always used condoms but, let's face it, it's nicer without. We're both in our early 50s. I've never known anyone who has conceived naturally in their 50s. Can we just stop using contraception? Obviously there is a small risk of pregnancy, but it must be minuscule. (We've been together nearly 30 years and have not had any other partners during that time, so no risk of STDs.)

Are you still having periods? Has it been less than a year since your last period? If the answer to either q is yes then you still need to use contraception.

I appreciate that that is the standard answer, however as I said I have never heard of anyone getting pregnant in their 50s without medical help.

I know what you mean but the standard advice would be allowing a year after your last period. I'm sure that the odds are against but if that is medical advice then no-one can give you any other answer.

Your man needs a vasectomy.

Women can absolutely fall pregnant in their 50s, difference being that they are unlikely to have viable pregnancies and are more likely to have complications and miscarriages. Why would you risk that at 50? Don’t underestimate the strain pregnancy and potential complications can put on your body. Sex without a johnny isn’t worth it!

I don't use contraception, just turned 53. Didn't have sex with dh for a few years before we split, so hadn't bothered. Then met new bloke a year ago - I have had a few irregular periods in that time but figure it's vanishingly unlikely to get pregnant to and I would absolutely have no qualms about a termination in that situation. I bought a load of cheap pregnancy tests and pee on a stick every now and again if I haven't had a period for a while.

Why would a man go for a vasectomy in this position? If he was 30s then maybe. Don’t forget, this is a surgical procedure which is not without the potential for complications (circa 10%) often driven by infections which can be extremely painful.

DH...2 guys he knows have both had complications and it wasn't pleasant

@Sunflowergirl1 It’s minimally invasive, out-patient, and he’s fertile. Men need to shoulder some of the contraceptive burden too. If he’s finishing inside her, not using condoms then it’s also his responsibility to make sure she doesn’t fall pregnant.

I recognise the responsibility men should take . I make the point that risking surgical procedures for what is a benefit of max 2 years is disproportionate. It might be "minimally invasive " as you describe but it is still a surgical procedure cutting internally and leaving two wound sites which if they get infected (as 10%) do the. It can be extremely unpleasant.

I know it’s bad but I’m 51 and have a lot of sex (newish relationship of 3 years after a long dead bedroom marriage) and don’t use contraception.

I used to avoid fertile period now I don’t bother. I was super fertile in my twenties and thirties. My gynae says to use contraception but I don’t.

Men need to shoulder some of the responsibility- he is. He’s wearing a condom. Why do women feel they can be so vocal about a man’s decision to/or not to have a surgical procedure?

Shouldering the contraceptive bburdening one thing. Undergoing surgical sterilisation is another.
I believe it is unjustifiable to ask someone to do something you wouldn't do yourself, whatever their gender.

Interesting how triggered people get when there’s mention of permanent contraception for men.

In the interest of balance then, I’ll make mention of surgical sterilisation for women.

I looked up the stats and from what I could find, the risk of natural conception at 50 was 1%. So that's not nothing, but it's less risky than a younger woman using condoms (2%). I don't think I've ever been particularly fertile, though I have had a child. I took the decision not to use contraception. I tracked my periods and accepted I might need to have an abortion if I were very unlucky. I'm pleased to say it never happened.

Personally, I wouldn’t bother but then I haven’t used any since January 2007. I’m 41 and we have regular sex without any form of contraception. I was last pregnant eight years ago and that was an IVF pregnancy (no surprise there!).

I think your chances are very small but only you know if you want to take that risk.

Risk should consider the chance of something happening and the impact of that event happening.
Over 50 the chance of naturally conceiving is very low however the impact of getting pregnant when both parents are over 50 is significant. It could mean the anguish and emotional fallout of deciding if you want to terminate or the physical and emotional pressure of starting again with a baby when, in all reality, you are probably too old.
I'd vote for the vasectomy if you are determined to stop with condoms.

I would feel zero emotional anguish at terminating a pregnancy at 50 (or now 54) which would be incredibly unlikely to get to live birth anyway. It would just be one of those things that happens in life.

Thanks for all your thoughtful messages. Hadn't even considered a vasectomy tbh!

Have you actually read that or are you simply repeating what you have heard?

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-male-sterilisation/?tabname=worries-and-questions

No sign of it mentioned on that page. I know loads of guys who have been "snipped" and NONE have mentioned long term pain and we discuss it openly.

Taken from the Mayo clinic website:

• "Vasectomy is an outpatient surgery with a low risk of complications or side effects."

In medical terms 10% is not "low risk" so they would have highlighted persistent pain if it was a real risk.

If you haven't read this please do not repeat it.

OP - a vasectomy is a relatively easy process and you can be condom free after about 6 weeks. Just ensure that semen sample are tested to confirm it has worked.

I definitely read it previously on the NHS page but it has changed to 1-2%. Thank goodness for that and apologies for not reading it recently. I will report my post above. I was horrified when I read it before as 2 partners had the procedure in the past (without issues).

In reality, even if you did conceive, the chances of miscarriage are incredibly high. The chances of a successful pregnancy are minuscule.

How would you feel about a termination?

Or using a cap? Ovulation sticks/tracker?

I know of 1 person who has conceived naturally at 42/43 amongst friends & family, no-one beyond that (yes I accept anecdotally).