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Original poster

Strip club

23 replies

redvelvet77 · 22/12/2023 04:26

Just found out my boyfriend of 2 years went to a strip club last night on his way home after a night out with friends.

He was on his own walking past on the way to the station, went in and had a topless dance.

Honestly I don't know how I feel and looking for other people's thoughts?

He said he doesn't like who he is as doesn't know why he did it. Apparently not done it before since we've been together.

OP posts:
Iwasdrunkandamenace · 22/12/2023 18:12

I suppose there are different ways of looking at it -

  1. He was honest and open.
  2. he’s paid to see another women’s breasts because he was drunk and horney.
  3. he didn’t cheat even though he was drunk and horney
  4. he’s not good with his money

so I guess it’s about how much you like him and how much you like the relationship?

If this is one thing in a long line of things then I’d probably leave it. You don’t want to be married and pregnant and him pulling this shit.
However if the relationship is good, then fine. Paying to see another women’s breasts isn’t a deal breaker for me.

MrRee · 22/12/2023 20:55

Of course, the other possibility is that he's done it several times before (and possibly other things too), but this was the one time he got found out.

When people say it was the first time they've done something, it's often not true – it's the first time they've been caught.

Even if it was the first time, which I doubt, I wouldn't be OK with it.

Kittenkitty · 23/12/2023 07:16

Yes, when you say “found out” what does that mean. That is crucial to how I’d feel about it I think.

Original poster
redvelvet77 · 23/12/2023 10:03

I saw where he was as we track each other. He denied it the next day, I told him the lying was worse than where he was and then he said yes he was there.

He popped in for a drink and a dance and left on his way to the train station on his way home, said he didn't know why he was there, wasn't really turned on but was drunk.

Honestly I don't know how I feel. I don't feel cheated on. I get that men like these places otherwise there wouldn't be in existence. It does feel v seedy to me. My boyfriend is a man of class, likes the nicer things in life, high earner, expensive taste etc and this club is not a great place. He says he's embarrassed at going there. He doesn't like who he is at times.

He's an amazing boyfriend in many ways. We have a great loving relationship so this feels a bit weird. We have a great sex life so he's not lacking there. Just a bit unsure why men go to these places.

OP posts:
NCmistermistress · 23/12/2023 10:20

You track each other?

Maybe I should start a new thread, but, why? Trust is never perfect, as you've discovered, but wow, tracking each other's movements. 🤷‍♂️

BuriedUnderAllTheWrapping · 23/12/2023 10:57

Nice men don’t pay for women’s bodies. They also don’t lie to their partners.

Don’t settle for a man like this.

Original poster
redvelvet77 · 23/12/2023 13:27

Don't most people use the tracking on iPhones? Barely use it but it can be handy when travelling etc

OP posts:
Anotherbloke1 · 23/12/2023 14:18

It's just a strip club not a brothel. My partner wouldn't be bothered if I went to one, you'd also be surprised how many blokes partners would go with them, they aren't seedy backstreet clubs. They are respectable with strict guidelines.

ChristmasDress · 23/12/2023 14:53

As a pp said, he thinks it is ok to buy women’s bodies. That’s grim and decent blokes that respect women don’t do that. A man of class he is not!

Chellybelle · 23/12/2023 15:52

The only males I know that go to strip clubs are teenage lads or the type that can't see women naked in real life. Unless you're talking about some high end strip club, the girls in these places are likely to be very young with hardships. I'm a woman with a female partner so I have never been on the other end of this but it would be a deal breaker for me.

EmotionalDrama · 23/12/2023 16:22

I think it’s seedy too OP and agree with others about him being the type of man who thinks it is acceptable to buy access to women’s bodies. I couldn’t be with a man who thought that, I think it’s sleazy.

We have the find my app on iPhone, it’s useful at times and isn’t an issue in a healthy relationship. Why were you looking where he was? Was there a lack of trust to make you look in the first place? Regardless, now you know what sort of man he is so get you choose what to do. Personally, I’d dump him. There’s lots of lovely men that don’t see women as sex objects and don’t lie to their partners.

Thatbloodyhedge · 23/12/2023 16:37

redvelvet77 · 23/12/2023 10:03

I saw where he was as we track each other. He denied it the next day, I told him the lying was worse than where he was and then he said yes he was there.

He popped in for a drink and a dance and left on his way to the train station on his way home, said he didn't know why he was there, wasn't really turned on but was drunk.

Honestly I don't know how I feel. I don't feel cheated on. I get that men like these places otherwise there wouldn't be in existence. It does feel v seedy to me. My boyfriend is a man of class, likes the nicer things in life, high earner, expensive taste etc and this club is not a great place. He says he's embarrassed at going there. He doesn't like who he is at times.

He's an amazing boyfriend in many ways. We have a great loving relationship so this feels a bit weird. We have a great sex life so he's not lacking there. Just a bit unsure why men go to these places.

You track each other?
Wow

Thatbloodyhedge · 23/12/2023 16:38

redvelvet77 · 23/12/2023 13:27

Don't most people use the tracking on iPhones? Barely use it but it can be handy when travelling etc

Nope
Never
Not even with my kids?

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 23/12/2023 22:07

"Is she not fragrant?"

See also liz hurley/Hugh grant

mnmnddddd · 24/12/2023 07:50

If someone had posted "I just found out my husband has been tracking my movements ..." or "my husband objected to me going to the chippendales" I'm pretty confident there would be a lot of different responses.

Anotherbloke1 · 24/12/2023 10:50

How do you class going to a strip club as buying women's bodies? You can't touch and unless you pay for a private dance (again you can't touch...do so and the door staff will unpleasantly throw you out) all you see is tits. Go to the beach and you'll see tits. I've been to one where I live twice and the last 20+yrs, wasn't turned on, wasn't disgusted, just sat having a drink with the group I was with.

JustWantToRewind · 24/12/2023 12:05

Dealbreaker for me. To him, women are sex objects he can purchase. He tried to lie about it. He’s telling you who he is, is that the man you want to be with?

The iPhone find my type apps are useful, I have friends as well as my children and partner on mine but if you are using them to check up on someone, there is a trust issue.

JoanMacIntosh · 26/12/2023 20:40

I think what’s missing here is context. Is your relationship generally good? Do you trust him? Just because you’re having good sex doesn’t mean that the relationship is solid.

I’m not a man but I find it bewildering to think that he would just be walking past and think “I’ll just pop in” like it’s an M&S food hall. I suspect there was premeditation there, curiosity at best - up to you to decide what the worst case scenario is.

The ”I don’t like myself and I don’t know why I did it” trope is an excuse - a boring and unimaginative one at that. He sounds dull, would splitting be a great loss to you?

If this was your boundary and he’s crossed it then you know what to do. He’s not the only man out there.

Csharpminor · 26/12/2023 22:40
  1. You lost me at "track each other".
  1. Who cares what grown adults do legally. If you don't like it leave.
  1. What people say on here may not affect how you feel in any way.
Moonshine5 · 27/12/2023 23:56

You track each other
He's not a man of class
No one goes to a strip club for a drink
He's unlikely to confess he was turned on

The future for this relationship does not look promising

Moonshine5 · 28/12/2023 00:01

Anotherbloke1 · 24/12/2023 10:50

How do you class going to a strip club as buying women's bodies? You can't touch and unless you pay for a private dance (again you can't touch...do so and the door staff will unpleasantly throw you out) all you see is tits. Go to the beach and you'll see tits. I've been to one where I live twice and the last 20+yrs, wasn't turned on, wasn't disgusted, just sat having a drink with the group I was with.

Are you serious?
Yes it is monetizing women's bodies, you not being turned on or being unable to touch is besides the point.

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 28/12/2023 04:56

As described I'd have no problem with this at all, it's no different to porn IMHO.

Not sure it matters what other people think, only you know what you feel about it. Maybe it's a deal breaker for you.

Casseweav · 19/02/2024 13:09

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