Question about ED

[MrsPottsSpots]

Hoping those with experience of ED might help me out a bit here. My partner has for a long time suffered from ED. Our sex life has never been great, but the last few years especially it’s become almost non-existent.

We’re not the best at communicating (I know we need to sort that out!!!), but when we have talked about our lack of sex he kind of shuffles around the topic, clearly feels really awkward and we don’t really get anywhere. I know he feels really embarrassed about it, which I totally understand, and I try to show my support and reassure that it’s not a big deal (honestly, for me, it really isn’t) and when we do push through he often can get hard - and if he doesn’t, well, it really doesn’t bother me (but it does him!).

But what I find difficult is that when we do have conversations he’ll say he does want to have more sex….but then nothing changes. He hasn’t made the first move in years, and is unresponsive to any attempts by me 99% of them time. I think if it were up to him, we wouldn’t have sex again.

I love sex, I miss sex, and it’s making me resentful in our relationship (everything else is great)

So my question is to anyone who’s experienced ED: did it make you not want sex, or was it the embarrassment that stopped you?

I am sure everyone is different but I’m interested in different experiences. Should I keep supporting my husband through his embarrassment to try and get us to a place where we can explore sex together, whatever that might look like.

Or is it that he just has no sex drive anymore. In which case me banging on about it is just making him feel bad and he’s never going to want things to change. And I just need to accept the death of my sex life.

Anyone with any thoughts or any experience welcome.

It’s not really the embarrassment as such, it’s more the feelings of failure and inadequacy, getting an erection is a complete natural / normal and expected thing to be able to do,
so when things are not working you avoid putting yourself into the situation of looking like a failure or less of a man in front of the person you love.

there are loads of different reasons for ED and loads of different treatments / aids available not, it’s a shame you are both suffering in silence

he is possibly or probably avoiding sex so he doesn’t feel like a failure in your eyes.

It’s a really tough situation. The crux is you don’t know if it’s his sex drive, genuine ED or a combination of both.

For me, I think it’s been mainly psychological though as I’ve got older (mid 40s now) am sure the physical issues have begun to grow. I’ve never had problems with getting an erection but sometimes struggle with keeping it, especially during penetrative sex. It would be a vicious circle, where the more I worried, the more I’d lose the erection.

The tablets have helped hugely and give a layer of support when I need it. I don’t take them every time we have sex but from time to time.

With your partner, do you know if he masturbates and how that goes? Ie. may help with the sexual drive question.

But I do think you’re going to need another of those chats with him. Have you discussed ED treatment (don’t even need to see a GP anymore) before? If not perhaps you can introduce it or really stress it’s nothing to worry about.

Hope this helps?