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Sex drive disappeared

15 replies

botanicalwotsit · 27/11/2023 14:35

NC for this.

My sex drive has completely disappeared over the past year or so. Not on hormonal contraceptives, not peri menopausal, no thyroid issues (recently tested for all of these), late 30s.

This has happened to me before- about 15 years ago when I was with my ex. We broke up after a long sexless relationship and when I was single after we broke up I loved sex- had it a lot, was very adventurous, Was like the light had been switched on and I always put it down to my not very nice ex as the reason for it drying up before.

Have been with my now PP for 5 years and as before, sex has dried up. We have spoken about it in the past and how we want to have more, but nothing ever happens. I know it's my fault- partner used to try but now he never does, and I don't blame him.

We've had sex about three times in 2023. I enjoyed them fine. When we first got together we were at it like rabbits and I was so grateful to have found someone I enjoyed having sex with, so I don't know what has happened.

Really feel like there's something wrong with me, and this is just what I'm always going to be like in a long term relationship. When I was single I was very horny all the time, now I barely think about sex. Might masturbate once every six months, but mainly in the night when I can't sleep as I find it helps. Never feel particularly horny and feels very functional.

I love my partner very much, he is the love of my life. I fancy him, he's very attractive. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Help!

OP posts:
Itstime2023 · 27/11/2023 20:22

I could have wrote this.

I don't have any answers, my drive has come back but now my husbands is out of sync while he was waiting for mine to come back. Thing is I think I know why mine has come back and that's because I have removed hormones, which you say you are not taking so it can't be that.

Have you carved out any time together? I know it shouldn't be like that. But it doesn't have to be right we're having sex tonight, it could just be a cuddle or something else intimate. Maybe you have to go slowly slowly to get it back again?

Sorry not much help :(

Mermaidparades · 29/11/2023 17:02

I find that the more I have sex, the more I think about it and want to do it again. It sounds like you’ve fallen into a rut where sex just isn’t your priority. It isn’t your fault, no need to lay blame.

Would you consider trying a clit pump? Mine has taken me from thinking about what I should make for dinner to 100% up for it in a matter of minutes on a few occasions! It wouldn’t be a long term solution but maybe worth a shot.

LoveInSongs · 29/11/2023 18:29

@Mermaidparades Which one do you have? Reviews are mixed. Thanks

LoveInSongs · 29/11/2023 19:06

Thanks.

SomewhereFarAway · 29/11/2023 19:22

Would you consider trying a clit pump? Mine has taken me from thinking about what I should make for dinner to 100% up for it in a matter of minutes on a few occasions! It wouldn’t be a long term solution but maybe worth a shot.

Really @Mermaidparades? You said on another thread that it was a mood killer and gave it zero stars. More fantasists on the sex board, so desperate to talk about sex but can’t remember what they’ve said. 🙄

HisPerfectJawlineAndPrettyEyes · 29/11/2023 19:32

Oops. 😅 They need to remember their lies. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mermaidparades · 29/11/2023 19:47

@SomewhereFarAway Erm…I’m not a fantasist lol. I have a pussy pump which I don’t like. The clit pump is great. You really need to get a hobby.

MovedonfromMartin · 29/11/2023 20:29

I assume your heartfelt and public apologies are incoming @HisPerfectJawlineAndPrettyEyes and @SomewhereFarAway ? I'm sure wine, chocolates and flowers will do the job.

Seems like you need to learn your clit pumps from your pussy pumps

Currently investigating the two types for research purposes obviously.....

SomewhereFarAway · 29/11/2023 21:06

Nope, cos I don’t believe it for a second. 😂 Too many inconsistencies in her/his posting. HTH.

Mermaidparades · 29/11/2023 21:24

@SomewhereFarAway I’d be keen to hear more about the inconsistencies. But I dare say you won’t respond!

FOCAM · 29/11/2023 22:58

The inconsistencies were identified on other previous threads, the ones on site stuff. They might still be there but posters cried bullying and got most deleted. I wouldn’t bother doing it again SomewhereFarAway as it’ll be the same thing again. 😉

Mermaidparades · 30/11/2023 06:33

@FOCAM how convenient! Your proof has been deleted 😉

Rieslinger · 30/11/2023 12:56

My wife has ummed and arrrd about a Clit Pump for a while so your link is really helpful @Mermaidparades thanks for the tip-top tip!!

Rainrainrainsunny · 07/12/2023 14:24

@botanicalwotsit I also could have written this post. In fact I came on this board to write this.

I would love for my sex drive to come back. My DP really is the love of my life, he’s everything I have ever wished for. 5 years ago, we couldn’t keep each others clothes off, now it feels like a chore.

it feels like I have no energy for sex anymore whereas previously it was like my main hobby.

we both have children from previous relationships but non together. We have sex 1-2 times a fortnight at the most. Some months none at all and I don’t know how to get it back.

we have plenty of toys, I use them alone sometimes and we use them together on the occasional time we do have sex.

I would love to be having it 3-4 times a week again but just know how to get the energy back for it.

any advise would be great

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