Thought I had zero sex drive..

[RubySunset82]

Then I was out over the weekend, very innocently (I was lost and this guy helped me out with directions and then sat next to me on the train) I was just chatting. Or the both of us were just chatting about his job, why he was in the City. Anyway I just felt so so so so so so horny sitting next to him. Nothing happened, but I literally thought I had no sex drive and this guy just lit a fire in me.

Got home, DH full of cold, we’ve not had sex in weeks. I’m not sure what I’m interested in, I guess it was kind of good to know I still have a sex drive. I guess I do masturbate twice a week.

I think I just need a good shag but DH is so uninterested.

Nothing to turn you on like a guy talking about his job
did that make you masturbate more than your scheduled 2 a week?

It sounds like you’re sexually unsatisfied, any sort of direct or indirect attention will cause the feelings that you have. Can you and your DH get your sex life back on track again?

😂

Do you know for a fact DH is uninterested or are you reading it? Maybe he doesn’t initiate as much as he used to, but he could still be interested if you got things started?

@TheGander i try to initiate but he’s often tired and asks me not to turn him on if that makes sense! I think he’s getting lazy!

the guy i spoke to is an elite sportsman! I didn’t say in OP as didn’t want it to be outing but it won’t be lol! Doubt he reads Mumsnet!! He was HOT as fuck.

I thought my libido had died until a saw a gorgeous man's bottom in silky tracksuit bottoms walking out of Tescos!
I hadn't died, I just wasnt seeing the right stimulus!

Mine had died a long temporary death with my ex H. Now I’m enjoying the realisation that I just wasn’t attracted to him!

@B1rd not sure I could get DH into silky tracksuit bottoms!

@Softskinrocks i do love him and expect if he showed me some interest I’d jump him! I just don’t want to do the chasing!!

I think it’s hard when you’ve got used to the affirmation of being the one who is asked. It can feel forced and clumsy when you have to do the asking. If he’s consistently knocking you back you guys need an honest discussion. I appreciate that can be awkward. I’m probably a lot older than you ( mid 50s) and our sex life had dwindled to nothing for the last 9 months or so. I took the bull by the horns one night, not trying to have sex but asked DH if he still ever felt sexual. That was enough to get things back ( not that night but the next one). Good luck!

Nope I’ve always done the asking that’s part of the problem. I think I’m just tired of being that person.

Talk to him. It's not always that simple but is always the best place to begin.

For me if you can find a place to share and stir between the two of you you can bring your sexy times back to life, we all fall into ruts, there is nothing wrong with either of you btw!!

Good lcuk and report back!!

@Rieslinger we had a little chat yesterday and he said he doesn’t know what’s happened to his sex drive. Work has been stressful and he’s been poorly. The weekends are busy with kids.

we had a lovely walk together yesterday and talked. It helped a little with some connection. Bearing in mind I actually physically did more than him yesterday (the walk and a couple of work meetings kids school runs etc) he was just exhausted come 10pm he was fast asleep on the sofa. He’s just tired I think. We need time together and need to focus on carving it out.

@RubySunset82 Amazing!!! Well done, just like with little ones it's baby steps sometimes.

It can also be a rut and when it's spoken out loud things can bob back up to the surface, keep on talking make some space for you both and any ideas you have to help instigate go for it. It may not be for you and there are plenty of other threads which might give you ideas, a sexy movie(porn but doesn't have to be), lingerie, a night away somewhere you both enjoy... good luck!

I put money on he's missed it too.

Re DH it’s probably unlikely but loss of sex drive and being tired can sometimes happen with pituitary issues, maybe worth getting bloods done to check prolactin and testosterone etc, also thyroid.
Or it’s possibly just post illness. Or none of the above

I would agree with PP about is it worth your partner seeing the GP? TATT (tired all the time) blood tests can be useful to pick up any medical issues & a low testosterone may but an issue. Other things like sleep apnoea can cause excessive tiredness too. If all those are clear I would recommend the book "Mind the Gap" by Dr Karen Gurney. She talks a lot of sense about how to maintain intimacy in a relationship when you have kids. She done some good podcasts on it too, if you Google her.

Thank you all. I’ve suggested a blood test to him.

Ive also started sertaealine? Mainly for anxiety. My first time. I feel a bit zoned out after 3 days.