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Swinging club - should I ask dh advice?

13 replies

nobodysanybody · 20/11/2023 11:09

Dh and I have been together 20 years and always enjoyed a good sex life.

He is an introvert and I'm probably somewhere the opposite end of the scale.

I think I'd like to try a club but I don't want to if dh would be hurt or horrified by the suggestion. I always initiate sex but he is the dominant one in bed which suits me.

Looking to hear if anyone has suggested it and it has gone down badly/been a surprising success? I don't even know if I'd be up for it yet so maybe it's a good time to raise it so he isn't under any pressure. Or maybe it'll wreck his confidence and trust in me?

Also, any good clubs in the NE? Don't mind dress down (presuming not fully naked tho).

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LoveToParty · 20/11/2023 11:52

You know your husband best so are the best placed person to know how he’ll react. Communication is key. Talk, listen and respect his boundaries.

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acpk55 · 20/11/2023 14:21

Try floating the idea as an open ended question - then you can gauge the response and go from there

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Rieslinger · 20/11/2023 14:42

Does he engage well when you share things that you find a turn on? If so then maybe share your journey to getting to where you are as opposed to going straight to the question....maybe?

Good luck and report back!!

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nobodysanybody · 20/11/2023 16:36

Thank you - I am planning on taking it really slowly and encourage him to share his fantasies in exchange for some of mine...

I will report back - I am worried I'll jump into it with both feet but am determined to just go gently and not say anything I come to regret.

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jvandussen · 24/11/2023 15:53

A genuine suggestion that may sound negative -


The after effects of swinging and the risks,even though you use condoms are far more comprehensible.



It may stir greediness and more novelty in you.

Be safe.

Lots of love.

I had few couples go through swinging only to repent later.

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Wildhorses2244 · 26/11/2023 22:50

How about starting with “I had the hottest dream last night” and seeing how he reacts to that?

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OpenMindHotels · 27/11/2023 08:27

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lilkitten · 27/11/2023 09:41

I'm poly and when we started the discussion about it 10 years ago it was very much a "would you like to" question from my husband. Not desperate or anything, but it started the conversation. It took several years of talking to get to doing it, but we're glad we took our time and talked about it openly. You've been together 20 years, so I'm sure you know each other very well (we've been together 17 years now), so hopefully you can have an open and honest discussion about your desires. Good luck!

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GentlemanJay · 27/11/2023 15:47

I'd go with the idea that you had a dream about it. Gauge you fellas response.

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Annieawakelate · 17/12/2023 10:53

I think the art is to make sure you can always blame him, and men love to imagine themselves as corrupters, so shouldn't be hard. And yes dreams are good, an obvious inroad, a way to share secret lusts, but saying you found hot is also showing your cards. I'd leave till later after he has unbalanced your mind and start from where are. By simply tweaking your lovemaking so more raunchy with one simple act - when kiss suck his tongue, and when he cups your face move to thumb, suckling but slightly gasping and trembling from the act, shocked at his bravado and how the display makes your body react. Call him bad, which he will like, and tell him you're a good girl, then do it again next time. He's intoxicated you, given a forbidden drink you cannot handle, and can't blame you that tipsy on. And slowly up the greed as go. Which he will anyways I am sure, moving from thumb to fingers, with you gagging enthusiastically on. Once a pattern established, you've reached stage 1 - a homely loving devoted wife , but in bed his slut. Good luck!

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DGConsultant · 17/12/2023 13:28

Loads of useful channel 4 documentaries on clubs, maybe watch some of them together and get him used to the idea..., before gently suggesting It might be a fun activity.

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Confused118 · 17/12/2023 17:32

Is it a club you need to go to really? My old DH had the same fantasy and it took me quite some time to get my head around it and even longer to make me feel that it was 'ok'. When I was ready to actually do it we agreed it would all be at home or a hotel and I trusted him to be completely in charge of the whole thing, but only one guy. Without getting into the physical stuff this satisfied him and he never really wanted me to go to a club after that..

I thought this was a really good start with a lot less pressure.

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OpenMindHotels · 18/12/2023 07:55

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