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Original poster

New partner wants me to go to a sex club ...

22 replies

cheltsam83 · 19/11/2023 20:22

I have been ewith my new partner for two months, we are both fairly adventerous in the bedroom and have both been in open relationships before. He has confesed he wants to watch me have sex with other men, I am open to this if there is a connection with us all, but he wants me to go to something called a greedy girls night sat our local swing club, I have never been to a swingclub before and a greedy girl is basically when you have sex with lots of men in a night. I really dont want to do this, I would happy to go to the club with another male friend and have sex in public but the thought of loads of unknown men makes me feel ill to the core, he just wont shut up about it and wants it to be his christmas present . I lovde him should I do it.

OP posts:
Lopella · 19/11/2023 20:38

Absolutely not.

NewRoses · 19/11/2023 20:43

His Christmas present? That’s manipulation.

You don’t want to do it, so no, you shouldn’t do it.

Presuming you have told him you don’t want to do this, why do you think you love a man after only 2 months, who doesn’t respect your boundaries and is trying to wear you down by going on and on about something you don’t want to do. That’s not love.

Bin him. Work on your self esteem. Maybe get some therapy to examine why you don’t feel confident in saying no and holding firm boundaries. When you have issues with those things, you’re vulnerable to abuse and being taken advantage of.

GentlemanJay · 19/11/2023 23:49

Seems far too much too soon.

OfcourseitsaNC · 20/11/2023 00:00

You really need to ask?

icclemunchy · 20/11/2023 03:39

We go to clubs fairly regularly but actively avoid the greedy girl nights. From talking to friends it can be very intense and a bit grabby so if you're not keen on strangers I really wouldn't suggest it.

What I will say is if you want to go to a club then do it for you, not for him. His living out a fantasy should never come at the expense of your comfort

Rieslinger · 20/11/2023 10:48

@cheltsam83 Tbh Whilst having an open mind is a good thing I would never suggest this without a firm and lasting relationship as it can get super hairy super quickly. IMHO I would acknowledge his request be honest whether at some stage you would be open to it and if yes tell them it would have to be at a point in the future where you both have a solid foundation before opening things up like this.

But that's me, good luck!!

LoveToParty · 20/11/2023 11:56

What @NewRoses said.

He is manipulating you and this isn’t a healthy relationship.

Thisismysexforumname · 20/11/2023 13:05

Two months in and he is already manipulating you like that? Bin him off, he is an absolute arse!

I wold love to go to a sex club, but it would have to be with someone;

a) I was in a LTR with and we had discussed and agreed boundaries, rules etc and had the option of saying no or leaving if we were not comfortable,

b) with a friend in the manner of which you have described in you post, but again with the caveats I have mentioned above.

PinotPony · 20/11/2023 21:21

DP and I go to swing clubs and sex parties. He enjoys seeing me with other guys.

But I'd avoid "greedy girl" events like the plague. Far too much testosterone for my liking. I don't think I'd feel safe in the hands of that many men, especially if I didn't know them well. I much prefer a nice balanced vibe where the women control the pace of play. For example, Killing Kittens.

Honestly, your BF sounds like a bit of a twat.

MassiveFuckingSalad · 21/11/2023 00:44

You don’t want to, the thought of it makes you feel ill, of course you don’t do it to please this manipulative, abusive, creepy bastard that you’ve been seeing for 5 minutes.

Its concerning to read that you think this is love. I agree you need to seek counselling.

filthypride · 21/11/2023 03:08

Absolutely not!

TheGander · 21/11/2023 17:49

Greedy girl? More like bunch of pervy men. It sounds awful.

lilkitten · 26/11/2023 20:03

Greedy girl nights are where men will be even more expectant that you will have sex with them, I would avoid them unless you are up for random sex with lots of men (it doesn't sound like you are, I like to get to know people for a while too). He might like the fantasy, but I know someone who did it to please her partner and it didn't end well.

Redburnett · 27/11/2023 09:33

LTB

Swingwhenyourewinning · 27/11/2023 10:38

We go to sex clubs and avoid greedy girl nights also. If your in to it great but it's not for me.

If anyone is pressuring you in to doing something you don't want to leave them.

What dynamic is is it he wants is he a cuck?? Maybe try a hot wife night

itsmyp4rty · 27/11/2023 11:19

You've been together 2 months, he already wants to watch you having sex with lots of other men and is emotionally manipulating you by saying you should do it as his Christmas present even though you don't want to do it - and you think you love him?

I think you sound very vulnerable if you think this is love.

EarthSight · 28/11/2023 21:35

If you love him you should do it??

Dump him. His fixation on this sounds like he went for a sexual open / adventurous woman mainly to fulfil his fantasies, and he cares about that more than he cares about what makes you feel comfortable.

GatherlyGal · 05/12/2023 14:20

This man does not in any way have your best interests at heart.

To be ok and safe in the environment you are describing means having someone with you that will look out for you and care about your wellbeing. That is not this man.

Bananaramarama · 07/12/2023 21:17

No, that is something you really, really have to want to do and he is ignoring your consent. I think he reckons that bc he'd like sex with lots of women in one night, surely a woman would enjoy sex with lots of men - without understanding the difference in power dynamic there!

I have been to smaller 'swinging' parties with DH once or twice where there's no pressure and that's OK, but I would not want lots of guys in one night.

Lunionfaitlaforce · 10/12/2023 23:06

I’m sorry for my late reply, I didn’t wanna read and run.

please don’t do anything for anyone else that you deep down don’t wanna do.
You love him yes, if he loves you, he would both feel your hesitation, or not be so pushy.

There is a documentary in Swedish radio about a place like that, the women was all lured in by pushy men…

Confused118 · 14/12/2023 15:30

You need a really strong clear relationship to even be able to talk about this. I've never been to a club but have fulfilled my partners fantasies with other men in the past, and enjoyed it. But after 2 months - no way and a greedy girls night, never ever.
I don't like the pushiness of it either, if you want to do anything for him then it's got to come from you.

Annieawakelate · 30/12/2023 08:00

"The question is the answer" - is an old proverb, but seems apt, as the advice you are seeking is certainly contained within, and reads no. You don't want to, you say it, we hear you, applaud your caution, yet he doesn't - your words bounce off. And that is a big problem in any context, but sexually a violation of love and trust. And a problem unlikely to resolve itself, as he seems totally sozzled on porn, drunk on the extremes of it, which is what the greedy girl scene is. Most girls are paid, events are staged, and cater to those seeking the ultimate in submission, attracting perverts not hedonists. Go to a club night and you are bound to be groped. I'd simply chuck him, but if want to appease, there's a private house party scene where couples can safely attend voyeuristcally, google the term and Debbie's site will come up, whom we happened to once live very close to in Sutton, her main venue. But travels the country organising. It wouldn't be for many even in that context, but at least attendees more connoisseur than pervert. Good luck.

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