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Blow jobs - etiquette

20 replies

Polito · 12/11/2023 23:04

I feel like a teenager asking this. I have had some bizarre expectation mismatch experiences with my partner. I have heavy periods. When it’s heavy I usually try to stay By myself. He has an insatiable appetite. Normally we manage this. During my period it can get unpleasant. This time I had to be with him because of an event. Despite my very heavy flow we did have sex and it was lovely. The next day he wanted more and positioned himself as if he was expecting To ‘go’ in my mouth. I find it so underhand, bizarre and uncouth. Is any of this normal / part of life? I would have more respect / understanding if he said I really need something special can you please suck me off. Instead he tries to indicate this in a way I find weird and threatening. Does your man ask for bjs? How is this normally asked for ? how do you feel about this? During your period? this is new to me becos previous men I had either didn’t like this particular contact and / or thought I was bad at it. It was very flattering when initially I had my first ‘bj success’ with my partner some years ago. I do like doing this occasionally but tbh it’s not my favourite thing.

OP posts:
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FriedOkra · 13/11/2023 02:46

You find his behaviour underhand and threatening and he sounds like a sex pest. No, it isn’t normal in a healthy relationship. He’s disgusting. Get rid.

None of it is flattering. That you think it is shows that you need to work on your self esteem.

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GigiAnnna · 13/11/2023 08:01

I don't mind doing it when I'm on my period if I feel up to it but my husband would never just assume he was getting it. He lets me lead with anything sexual during that time of the month and waits to see if I'm going to offer it first because he has respect and knows that I might be feeling unwell or not in the mood. If you don't want to do it, you tell him no, you don't feel well. In fact you don't really have to give a reason not to do it. It's a few days a month, if he can't give you a break then he's showing very little respect for you and ignorance around womens' periods.

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Hensintheskirting · 13/11/2023 09:34

Imagine your friend were asking you:

"My boyfriend expects a BJ when I'm on my period and I really don't feel like sex. Usually I actively avoid him when I'm on my period because he expects me to have sex with him and can get all weird if I don't. I'm not a massive fan of BJs anyway. Last time he was just "there" in my face and I found it bizarre and expectant and a bit threatening. What do you think?"

What would you say?

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SubwaySinging · 13/11/2023 09:34

What @FriedOkra said. Dump him.

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StarlightLady · 13/11/2023 11:38

During the first few days of a period (and priods have got worse as I’ve got older) any sort of sex is the last thing l want. Saying no should suffice.

At other times blowies evolve rather than being requested by someone.

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Graasspp · 13/11/2023 12:29

Does 'to go' mean a wee?

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LetsTryToHelp · 13/11/2023 13:38

FriedOkra · 13/11/2023 02:46

You find his behaviour underhand and threatening and he sounds like a sex pest. No, it isn’t normal in a healthy relationship. He’s disgusting. Get rid.

None of it is flattering. That you think it is shows that you need to work on your self esteem.

So you advise is to get rid of her partner based on one incident?

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FriedOkra · 13/11/2023 13:52

So you advise is to get rid of her partner based on one incident?

I’d advise anyone who feels their partners behaviour is threatening and underhand to get rid. HTH. 😊

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VocalFryUp · 13/11/2023 14:50

You find his behaviour underhand and threatening and he sounds like a sex pest. No, it isn’t normal in a healthy relationship. He’s disgusting. Get rid.

None of it is flattering. That you think it is shows that you need to work on your self esteem.

This ⬆️

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Wakemeup17 · 13/11/2023 14:53

Oral sex (both ways) is part of the deal every time we have sex and it's nothing special, so no one is asking for anything really. But thinking about it yeah, sometimes one of us will position themselves so that it is clear what we want. But that's a deal between us and no one is feeling threatened or anything remotely similar.

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Antilope · 13/11/2023 16:13

Wakemeup17 · 13/11/2023 14:53

Oral sex (both ways) is part of the deal every time we have sex and it's nothing special, so no one is asking for anything really. But thinking about it yeah, sometimes one of us will position themselves so that it is clear what we want. But that's a deal between us and no one is feeling threatened or anything remotely similar.

Exactly as above, happens both ways every time we have sex. We are both into it though

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girpsuoethgirfles · 13/11/2023 17:13

@LetsTryToHelp One incident where you feel your partner’s behaviour is threatening is surely enough! Although, OP says she has had ‘some bizarre expectation mismatch experiences’ (plural!) with her partner.

I would end a relationship with a partner if I found their behaviour threatening and underhand. It sounds like you’re a bit on edge around him if you’re on your period because you know he’ll push your boundaries. Creepy fucker.

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FordAnglia · 14/11/2023 05:12

LetsTryToHelp · 13/11/2023 13:38

So you advise is to get rid of her partner based on one incident?

:)

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xpc316e · 14/11/2023 09:32

It's all about communication. Often it's going to be verbal, but it can also be body language. Shuffling into a particular position can say so much.

I remember the first time I was in bed with a former FWB; we had sex the night before and I woke to find her fellating me. After she got me hard, she broke off to say, 'I swallow.' That told me all I needed to know. She could have said, 'I usually swallow, but not today.' That too would have told me what I needed to know.

Never assume that your partner knows what you want unless you tell them.

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SubwaySinging · 14/11/2023 15:27

@FordAnglia Not sure why the need for stupid faces. As a pp pointed out, one time feeling a partners behaviour is threatening is one too many but the OP talks about having had other bizarre experiences with him.

🚩🚩🚩

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FordAnglia · 15/11/2023 08:44

The face was acknowledging the other poster's post. There is a small army of folks on mnet whose response to any issue, for reasons best known to themselves, appears to be LTB. I believe that just outside Birmingham on an arterial road there is a scrapyard of dumped MN relationships. Lots of barely used/explored parts.

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girpsuoethgirfles · 15/11/2023 10:46

There is a small army of folks on mnet whose response to any issue, for reasons best known to themselves, appears to be LTB.

When a poster feels their partners behaviour is threatening and in this case talks about more than one experience, I’m pleased that at least some posters say to end the relationship.

Before anything else, we should think about the posters welfare. When they are using words like threatening and underhand and sound like they are uncomfortable around their partner, something is really wrong.

To make jokes, the sort my grandad wouldn’t even find funny, is sick, when a woman is here describing behaviour as threatening.

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itsmyp4rty · 15/11/2023 11:01

You had me at 'insatiable appetite'. It's called a sex pest and is a good reason to get rid even without feeling weird or threatened by his behaviour.

It sounds like he considers your job is to please him, from the 'flattering' comment I'd be concerned that you think the same.

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DixonD · 15/11/2023 14:27

I think you can have an insatiable appetite without being a sex pest. You can have both a high sex drive and treat your partner with respect.

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BethandRip · 15/11/2023 16:05

I agree with the posters who have said to end the relationship. The things you say sound like you are not comfortable around him. You feel the need to stay away from him at certain times, you find him threatening and underhand. Don’t ignore those feelings especially when you mention other previous times you’ve felt this way. In a good relationship you NEVER feel threatened.

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