Sex after his affair

[PeacefulPottering]

First post on here.
He shagged a woman
We were 21 years, two kids in.
We split up, I came back.
We did the hysterical bonding sex

My problem is I've got the ick now.
I can't be doing with him.
I love him but have a massive angry, awful ick!
I

Why did you go back? Was the sex good?

No wonder you’ve got the ick. He’s a cheating bastard. He’s weak. Kick him out or leave.

Im not suprised
how anyone can fuck their partner easily after they have been with someone else baffles me

anyway not easy and complex one
I’m sorry 😞

If you want to stay with him, but you've now hit the wall, then go to counselling.

It may help. It may not.

You need to address those deep angry feelings you've rightly got with him if you want to stay married. If you still love him, and he's remorseful, then you both need to work on moving past the pain he's caused you if you have any hope of making the marriage work another 21 years.

I have replied several times to similar posts. Had a friend in your position who tried and tried. Four years later she gave up as could get over the deceit and lack of trust. She divorced. He was devastated. She has now remarried and very happy

To stay together happily 2 things have to happen:
1.You have to be able to forgive him and move past it, without feeling resentment, anger or bitterness

1. You have to trust him completely

You may want to make things work, because it used to be good, because you still love him, because it's terrible to feel like your family will be destroyed if you don't. But if those 2 things don't happen then you're going to be unhappy

You have the ick because there's too much going on in your mind

I don't mean this to sound like it's your fault. It's not, it's his. He needs to find a way to make these 2 things happen, but the truth is that there may not be a way.

Good luck OP

If you want to try to make it work, I think counselling is needed. There’s no guarantees it will help unfortunately.

I think I’d just move on if it was me but I’m not the forgiving kind for this sort of thing.

DW wouldn’t even take me back in similar circumstances and from a male perspective I’d find it very difficult having sex with her if she’d been with someone else, if you truly still want to be with him, counselling of some kind certainly seems necessary

I left mine after 25 years together and several children once I found out about the affairs. The difference is he was awful, I’d been trying to leave for years (but he adored me; I was his world blah blah) and was just happy to have an excuse. Same as above - he’s devastated and wants us to get back together. I’m happier than ever. I couldn’t ever be with anyone without deep trust.