How can I learn to enjoy sex again?

[SarahCrowcombe]

I was debating whether or not to post such an intimate thing on here, but I’ve realised that I really need help :/

So, I’m married to the most wonderful, handsome, supportive man, and for the first few years of our relationship, we had an amazing sex life. However, I then trained to become a teacher, and almost instantly, our sex life ground to a halt. I went from loving sex, to almost hating it, and finding it very anxiety-inducing and now painful as a result. Teaching almost destroyed me, and I left 18 months ago, but started a job that I hate (despite having high-hopes. I’m still job hunting and looking for the right thing).

I naively thought that leaving teaching would solve my problems, but it hasn’t. It’s now at the point where, I would be perfectly happy to never have sex ever again, and almost feeling repulsed by anything remotely sexual. And it’s not my husband - he’s gorgeous and I adore him. It’s just I hate the thought of anything remotely sexual with anyone. And my poor, long suffering husband (with a relatively high sex drive), has to put up with us attempting to have sex once a month at best, with me ending up becoming very stressed and upset. I’m so sad for him because sex means a lot to him, and he’s missing out. It’s just my anxiety seems to control me at the moment, and I can’t manage it very well. I feel so lucky that he still sticks by me, and is forever patient and understanding.

How can I regain my sex life? Thank you so much :)

Your sex life issues are a symptom of the prolonged stress and anxiety caused by your job. You really need to address the root cause, otherwise any sex advice you get here would be like putting a plaster over a broken bone. Take care OP 💗

100% this ^* , my sex drive absolutely died when I was made redundant, took ages to recover

If you’re in a long term relationship and you still love each other my advice would be to work on and nurture the intimacy within the marriage. Work on the embraces, the conversation, the kisses, the handholding and date each other again; he’s your person and you’re his. You can enjoy each other non sexually and eventually the desire will re-emerge. Good luck!

All good suggestions above, for me I would try and discover who you are intimately now in addition.

Experiment with whatever works and this could be hands, toys, shower head and find the pleasure for you in a way that takes some of the external pressure off, start small and expect a gently climb at best whilst you work on the closeness and intimacy with your OH.

Have you thought about some visual, written or audio stimuli whether that be porn, erotic fiction or naughty audiobooks?

Lovehoney does some tingle gels that can add a little frissance...?

Good luck and report back!

Yes! This is so true! If you think about it, we often feel sexiest when we feel empowered and good about ourselves and confident and put together.

Take charge op. Buy some sex toys and some lube and go back to basics. Take the pressure off. Be selfish for a while. Find out what you like. And do things in your life that bring you joy and self confidence.