New partner and incontinence issues

[Floating83]

OK so sex and incontinence issues......
Ive been single for a year after leaving a 17 year relationship. Sex was never really anything to be bothered by so I am quite excited at the prospect of maybe finding out what the big deal is.
Ive met someone and had 2 dates and he seems nice. Messages have become sexual and I haven't been shy explaining my prior sexual experience (the next person would be my second) and that I'm keen to explore and understand what sex should actually be like.
He seems keen, polite, flirty etc.
Due to both our circumstances a hotel would be needed for anything more, but am aware that there may be wandering hands at times.
Due to having 2 kids and having fairly substantial damage down there I'm left with some incontinence issues so do wear a thin pad.
If we do reach the zone of wandering hands I don't know what to do if he reaches this pad in my pants!
He's younger than me (I'm late 30's he is late 20's) so I'm not sure he will have had many women who pee themselves a bit.
In a hotel I wouldn't be so worried as I could "freshen up" before hand and remove it.

I completely understand why you feel nervous and embarrassed, however, incontinence is one of those things that can happen to anyone, especially a woman who’s had two kids! If he’s a good person, she shouldn’t mind that at all. Feel free to explain to him before hand if it puts you at ease more. The more you stress, the more likely you are to have an accident and not enjoy yourself

Can you not wear a panty liner and change it regularly? Or is the incontinence too much for that? Because I don't think a guy would even notice one of them in your undies, mines never mentioned it but my 'incontinence' is more like tiny random dribbles so a liner is sufficient.

Mine is probably irregular dribbles unless I have a coughing fit haha.
Maybe I need to get some smaller liners so it seems less obvious as the pads are thin, just longer than a normal liner.

What about trying "period pants" that are designed for light flow. They just have a slightly thicker gusset & you wouldn't need to worry about a pad as it's all built in. No-one would know they were period pants, except you.

I have brought the tenscare itouch sure pelvic toner it was £60 odd pound. It's no miracle worker, but I have noticed a difference in my urgency problems using it a few times a week. Could prob do more if I used it more. My downstairs is not as it was after my twins birth with a few prolapses, urine urgency and it not feeling so tight.x
But tbh if he likes you then he should be understanding whatever. My ex used to make digs about it, but my fiance doesn't and is supportive.
Goodluck.x

Period pants are a good idea, you can get them for different flows. Or if you don’t need more than a pantyliner Bodyform do a black one that’s more inconspicuous. It’s good to be open but you don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to. If he feels it the worst that will happen is he asks if you’re on your period. You say no, he can draw his own conclusions and is unlikely to interrogate you any further 😄

I wouldn't worry, I doubt anyone would notice or care about a thin pad.

I don't want to patronise you but I hope you have had a full assessment and have received advice and treatment from a specialist. Despite damage from childbirth there are still things that can be done so do ask for a referral to a urologist or gynae to explore all options.