Question about ED/orgasms

[OnMakingMistakes]

I’m coming at this from a point of curiosity, and maybe a little bit of reflection/self doubt.

Newish, casual partner. Slept together a handful of times. It’s a lot of fun, but he doesn’t orgasm. Is on medication which is a possible cause, and we’re using condoms.

We been clear it’s not an issue, have asked a few gentle questions but v def not over-analysing.

Had sex again a few days ago - lots of fun and definitely no hanging back. Culminated (!) in me basically encouraging him to finish himself off. Which was pretty straightforward. So the question is, as he was able to do that and I haven’t able to by my own fair hand (!) or through PIV, how can I approach that with him in a sensitive way? I am curious, I don’t want to judge, but there is def now a bit of me that has the hump that I couldn’t do that!

similar experiences or insight welcome.

As someone who has suffered from DE (not ED), could be several things, obviously the condoms offer less sensitivity so that could be an issue, some SSRI’s can affect the ability to orgasm, sometimes it’s a bit of a mental block
if can finish himself off, then he has probably had DE for a while and knows what works for him

Delayed Ejaculation

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/ejaculation-problems/

Yep it sounds like it could be that. SSRIs
also in play. Mainly, I am trying not to take it personally.

So, the question is what (if anything) can I do to be supportive and not add to it?

To be blunt, there is not much you can do, don’t take it personally, no reflection on you.
He will know exactly what’s happening and if he is going to orgasm or not, (I have faked it before as I know I’m never going to get there & getting bored)

just enjoy lots of sex !

I understand that Viagra can cause issues with male orgasms.
Is he on that?

I think there is nothing wrong with you encouraging him to finish. I would actually find that a turn on. Of course what is better is that you finish him off - speaking from experience in that moment some good dirty talk and a lot of encouragement really helps.
What NOT to do is to mention it and make him feel like a failure. This has happened to me once and those words really did knock my confidence to the point where I actively avoided sex a for a bit due to performance anxiety.
In fact, dirty talk, although can be awkward for both sides - can really help. I am sure it won't be long before he is able to comfortably and pleasurably come inside you.

He can do it because he knows exactly how. If you wish to get him off with your fair have, smile, encourage him, pet him, make it a game, and show no negative emotions (worry, frustration etc) at all.

I really don't think that it is helpful to equate an adequate sex life with the attainment of orgasm. To see orgasm as a goal and therefore the inability to either give, or get, one as some sort of failure is unhealthy. This is especially true as we age.

There is much more to sex than penetration and orgasms and if your partner is happy, then you ought to be too.

Try not to worry about it or put pressure on him to get to his orgasm. My hubby was on an SSRI for a few years and within a few months of taking it started to struggle to finish. He could go for ages which was much better for me and said it still felt great even though he didn't get to his orgasm. His doctor said it was a very common and things got back to normal quite quickly after coming off the medication.

I had similar issues, I couldn’t even finish myself off. Lower doses of SSRI/SNRI has helped me, I also discovered recently that as I now don’t need and “Viagra” type assistance that if I take it it also creates a similar No Cum situation. Hope this is helpful and happy to discuss via a message if helpful

Mid Fifties - a lot less sensation these days so PIV takes a lot longer to finish.

often handjob finish or BJ

doesn't mean less enjoyment