Blood on condom

[Ryansmrs]

Apologies for the title but couldn't think where else to post this without being judged for being too graphic and wanting a quick reply. Just had sex with my dh. We have been married 25 years and, for one reason or another, have only had sex for a handful of times during our marriage. I've never been pregnant, I became a mother through adoption. Just recently we've really made an effort with our relationship and have tried to be intimate. Tonight we had sex but my dh said he had to quickly enter me without any foreplay, as he was frightened he'd lose his, very rare, erection. I didn't feel prepared but let him enter me and just basically "braced myself", it did hurt a bit but I was horrified, when he'd finished, to see blood on the outside of the condom. I feel sore inside but, after exploring with a tissue, can't find any traces of blood. Apologies for tmi. I'm 55, menopausal and am absolutely terrified that this is a sign of cervical cancer.

I've had this before and it turned out to be cervical ectropion which is harmless. Make an appointment to get it checked but I bet it's that, it's fairly common. I'm 49 btw

@SHM2407 thank you so much for the reply. I've never heard of that before, do you have any more information please?

I was told it's when some of the cells in your cervix grow outside it and can get disturbed which can cause bleeding. For me this only happened a couple of times after sex.

https://www.jostrust.org.uk/information/cervix/cervical-ectropion

I've had it twice, it was a polyp that didn't require treatment. Ask for an internal examination with your doctor and ask to be referred for a colposcopy.

Thanks so much for the replies.

I'm just scared now of having sex again. I know I wasn't prepared, there was no foreplay at all, he literally just entered me "dry" and I now feel raw inside. I've just had a breast cancer scare which, thankfully, turned out to be negative and this worry is the last thing I need. The hope of resuming a sexual relationship between us was the main thing that was, from my point of view, holding us together. Without that, we were no more than friends/housemates. This has frightened me so much, I'm scared of attempting sex again.

I have bled a couple of times from dry sex with a condom (made worse as I've got older and don't lubricate so easily) where I've injured myself. Not something that I can feel, but the blood is fresh. But it's absolutely important, as others have said, to see your GP and find out exactly what it could be, and I hope everything goes well for you x

This happened to me once, some years ago, and has happened since. sometimes it’s just a ‘one off’ event and nothing to be worried about, but getting checked can’t hurt.
Also would using a vagina moisturiser help?

@lilkitten thanks so much for sharing that really personal information. The blood on the condom looked fresh, again, so sorry if it's tmi.

Not TMI at all, and when it comes to health concerns it's best to share information. I could tell I'd injured myself as it was fresh blood but also only a bit, it wasn't like it was properly bleeding. Hopefully it's something non-serious, it's possible that quick sex where you couldn't warm up to it could have caused friction with the condom

@Maze76 ive never heard of a vaginal moisturiser before, that's something I'll look into. When we decided to try to have sex again after so many years of not attempting it, we bought condoms and lube (you'd think we were teenagers not 55 and 60). However, tonight we didn't have chance to use the lube as he insisted on entering me immediately as he was so scared of losing his (very rare) erection. In future I'll make sure I am more prepared.

https://www.boots.com/replens-md-vaginal-moisturiser-6-pack-10006587

@Ryansmrs Have a look, it might be useful, one application lasts 3 days

@lilkitten thanks, that sounds exactly like my situation. I wasn't bleeding heavily, in fact, if I hadn't seen the condom I'd never have known anything about it. It really scared me. I now think, like you say, that it might have been caused by friction with the condom. Again, apologies for TMI, but I'm not bleeding into my underwear or anything and ive been to the loo for a wee and there's no sign of blood or anything abnormal. I can't thank people enough for replying on here. I honestly didn't know where to post on mumsnet, where I could be so "blunt" and I thank everyone for your replies.

Your husband sounds like a monster. Just because he has erection issues, doesn’t mean he can just ‘insist’ on doing something that hurts you. Bastard. He’d be going nowhere near me ever again. This isn’t ok.

That sounds awful for you,
going off topic a bit, get your husband to look at the meds for ED, lots of new ones on the market, then you can both take time to explore foreplay, use lube etc before sex

I know you’re 55 so you probably know this but just because he finds getting and maintaining an erection difficult doesn’t mean he can push himself into you without you being properly prepared. It’s actually quite a brutal thing and because you’re menopausal you need a bit more time, lube and foreplay.

Definitely get checked by the GP though because blood on the condom isn’t “normal” but it’s hardy surprising if he entered you and was thrusting without you being ready.

I’m glad someone mentioned it. How are you not angry at your husband for making you suffer because he has erection problems which are his issues, not yours, stop allowing such awful behaviour from him.

Ectropian and polyps? Wtf?

It’s far more likely you bled because he insisted on having sex when your body wasn’t prepared. I’m horrified, but not shocked as this board is awful at times, that some posters have failed to spot his terrible behaviour.

Although you should get checked out just in case, the real problem here is your husband. He has problems having sex and thinks he can use that as a reason to hurt/abuse you. No caring man would have done what he did. I hope you’re healing and feeling better OP but please don’t put up with this.

All of this.

Decent men don't behave like this OP.

They don't prioritise their desire to penetrate you over your right not to be in pain.

Good, decent men would be so upset that this had hurt their partner. Well actually, good and decent men wouldn't want to penetrate their partner with no foreplay or lubrication because it's common sense it will hurt them so is purely for their own pleasure.

Decent men don't get pleasure from doing things that will hurt their partner rather than pleasure them.

He sounds truly awful and selfish.

As much as I agree that the OP's husband should not have done what he did, she wanted advice on health. And women should not be routinely bleeding from sex just because there is no foreplay. Unless the sex was extremely rough enough to cause tears, there will not be blood without there being an underlying issue. It may be uncomfortable to do it without much lubrication, it should not make her bleed. Your advice to reassure OP that it's probably down to this is actually dangerous as it may put her off discovering a sinister medical problem. Her husband is a separate issue entirely that she will have to deal with.

GigiAnnna

I’ve clearly said she should get checked out in case so please don’t talk rubbish. I work in a sexual health clinic and would always advise that.

Actually, it’s not uncommon for vaginal tissue to bleed just from friction and lack of lubrication more so during and after menopause due to vaginal atrophy.

It’s responsible for posters to look at the wider issues going on where a poster is being hurt and doesn’t seem to recognise it as a problem. It’s a shame posters here seem incapable of looking at the bigger picture.

I think it’s probably obvious a man who’s only had sex a handful of times in 25 years is probably not going to be particularly adept at it. I wouldn’t sleep with someone so lacking in experience that they might hurt me with their lack of common sense.