STI tests and dating?

[mnmnddddd]

I keep seeing mentions of asking to see STI results when dating someone new.
Is that a thing these days?
Is it a "young person" trend, or is there a general expectation and acceptance of the question across the generations?
With the NHS "in crisis", how easy is it to get a test, how quickly do you get the results and is it all app based these days?

When I met my husband, we used condoms until we wanted not to. At which point, I told him I was going for a full set of tests and asked him to. All fine.

This was 15 ago, but to your point is it a new young person thing ..... no as advice was around to do it then.

Hope it's still as easy as it was.

You can get tests for Syphillis, Gonorrhea, HIV and Chlamydia online. You do these tests at home and then return them. Obviously, they don't test for all the STIs, just the main ones. You'd have to go into a clinic for those.

When I got with my husband he'd only slept with a couple of women and never not used a condom. I knew I was clean as I'd recently been tested myself, so we risked it. The right thing to do would have been to get tested together and show the results but this was enough for us and it was fine. Fell pregnant shortly after and had a test for infections including common STIs as I kept bleeding, all came back negative.

Honestly, I don’t know anyone who routinely does the “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine” exchange with new sexual partners. Most of my friends (broad age range of 30 - 45 ish) get tested every now and then out of care for their own health, but not as a ritual before agreeing not to use condoms anymore. Having spoken with friends about it before, none of us have ever been diagnosed with an STI.

I don’t know whether it’s very different outside of London / major cities, but getting a testing appointment at a sexual health clinic has always been easy. Can also use postal test kits, as previous poster mentioned.

It’s good practice for anyone at any age to test regularly if having sex with different partners, or if in a monogamous relationship to both test before ditching the condoms. STIs are on the increase in older people and testing is easy to do. Do a search for your local sexual health clinic where there should be instruction on where to order free postal tests. If you have any symptoms they’ll likely see you and will test when there. Here’s one website that offers them https://sh24.org.uk/stis

Depending on previous sexual activity there can be a window period where a recent infection might not show up eg 45 days for HIV. Trust can also be an important factor in discussing previous partners/tests and the only way to really know someone’s status is to test.

To anyone posting, please don’t use the word “clean” to describe a negative result. I’m not dirty - plus I shower regularly!

It's not something I'd have done 20 years ago but now I always ask new partners for a test result. I'm typically sleeping with 30-somethings and it seems to be very much the norm. I don't feel embarrassed about asking when they last tested and if they're currently sleeping with anyone else.

I prefer the convenience of home tests rather than sitting in the waiting room of a clinic. My local NHS Trust do free postal tests. Or you can get them free here
sh24.org.uk/

Depending on what test you order, you'll usually take a blood sample from your finger tip (helps to have a hot shower first!) and a vaginal swab. You might do a throat swab and rectal swab too. Seal it up and pop in the post. Results come by text about a week later. I test a few times a year.

Bear in mind that an STI test won't test for HPV or herpes.

Some text messages show the patient name (which I think is sensible as you know it is their result), others don't...

Not sure how old you are, but STI rates have doubled in over 50s in the last 10 years as people get out of relationships and don’t bother with condoms as they think pregnancy is no longer a risk

as others say all the tests are postal now no need to book, have swapped with last 2 partners before dropping the condoms , ( both were female and I had to suggest it )

https://londonmedical.co.uk/news-and-events/sexual-health-for-the-over-50s/

If the clean comment was aimed at me, I wasn't talking about HIV or you in particular. I was thinking more about gonnorrhoa or chlamydia. Technically, those aren't "clean" as they are infections, can cause discharge and itching and will get worse and cause problems if not treated. I'm not judging as I've had STIs treated in the past. It's a common term that is broadly used.

@GigiAnnna The use of the word "clean" when talking about STIs is frowned upon because it perpetuates feelings of shame and embarrassment. The suggestion that someone who catches an STI is "dirty" is not helpful in encouraging people to talk openly about sexual health.

I didn’t take it personally as some people are unaware of how it comes across. It’s unhelpful to use the word clean to refer to any negative STI tests. This infers that anyone testing positive is dirty, which they’re not, and comes across as stigmatizing and shameful. We wouldn’t use the term clean for any other tests eg testing clean for covid.
Clear is the word broadly for STI results used as shown in the text posted upthread.

I would never risk my sexual health and would always ensure any partner I was going to have a sexual relationship with was fully tested before using no condoms, as I would myself, if we were casual, I would always use condoms too. With STD’s on the rise, it is important.

Be careful of those veteran swingers.

Is that a thing these days?

Its never not been a thing for responsible people. You’d be mad to risk your health.

There seems to have been some confusion. I was NOT asking whether it was responsible to have an STI test or have protected sex. I WAS asking if it's common to ask a new partner if they'd been tested and to see the results. And to what degree its's a generational thing.

For the sake of younger MNers, back in the 80s and 90s, when a lot of us 50 something divorcees were last shagging around, getting an STI test was typically something you did if you thought you might have an infection, or a partner told you they'd tested positive. They were neither so commonly available nor as stigma free as they are these days. Curiosity about the changes in cultural norms don't imply we are ignorant of their benefits.

It was normal in the mid/late 90s to get tested when dating someone new, amongst my circle. My comment therefore stands. Its never not been a thing for responsible people. If you think it’s new, you missed something back then.

It’s not just a young person trend. I remember friends who dated lots of different people having tests 20 years ago. Those that are now in their 40s and still dating or dating after divorce get tested regularly. I’d say it’s common and not a generational thing at all. Responsible people of all ages get tested in my experience.