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The cringe of the unanswered text

4 replies

StephanieLampshade · 25/10/2023 16:30

I have an insecure attachment style.

I've had psychoanalytic and CBT therapy and can manage this pretty well but definitely feel more anxious in the early stages than friends would.

In fact I've not dated for 4 years whilst I try and get to know myself better.

Recently met through social media (not a dating app) a nice guy. I DM-ed him on Monday and we chatted for 90 minutes by text. Really great conversation.

He didn't message yesterday and 3 hours I messaged him. No reply.

I'm really wrestling with how to proceed if he does reply. Although enthusiastic on Monday he's now not been touch.

Would those with secure attachment think this was OK?

I know I'm overthinking. A friend persuaded me to DM after I said he'd caught my eye...but his reluctance to follow up leaves me wanting to abandon this attempt!

OP posts:
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GentlemanJay · 25/10/2023 16:34

If he wants to chat, he can easily. He's not, so just leave it and move on.

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SpringleDingle · 25/10/2023 18:01

Depends on the 3 hours. I don’t text whilst working (my head is elsewhere) or whilst spending quality time with DD. This means it can be a few hours between a message reaching me and me replying. However I’d normally mention why I’d been busy and then I’d be an enthusiastic chatter when free.

Id see if he comes back to you when he has time but if it gets to 12 / 18 hours then I’d assume he wasn’t interested and I’d block, delete and move on.

Longer term you’d need to discuss your schedules and maybe both flex a bit to find a chatting frequency that suits you both.

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mnmnddddd · 26/10/2023 06:29

There are any number of legitimate reasons why I might not reply for 3hrs. I really depends what else is going on at the time.
There might also be times when I procrastinate as I really don't know how to respond, and that depends on the message and the longer conversation.
Text conversations are very different to IRL conversations as you really don't know what's going on. Don't give him a hard time when tou don't know what's going on, or the relationship is destined to fail.

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lilkitten · 26/10/2023 14:42

I see this type of discussion to do with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria on my ADHD group. I wouldn't worry by what you've said. I'm incredibly busy, I sometimes go a day or two without messaging partners, and if they text in the day I may have to wait until 11pm when I finally have time to myself. For me, it would be if they just leave it indefinitely, but I kind of have the attitude of there are more fish in the sea, so I don't worry too much if they're not as invested in me.

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