Is a one night stand a good idea for me?

[Shyandhiding]

I am very sexually inexperienced, especially considering my age (late 30s). I had a one night stand in the past (many years ago) but he was the friend of a friend so I knew he was a decent guy and not a total stranger.

I am happy single and not looking for a relationship, but would quite like to try sex again (after many years). I don’t know any single men now, so would mean finding a date online (presumably an app like Tinder). I am going on a weekend break to Manchester next month and I thought that might be a good opportunity to meet somebody. My problem is:

1.What if he wants to do some crazy porn stuff? I just want ultra basic sex, nothing kinky whatsoever.

2 It doesn’t seem safe? How will I know that he is not going to rape or kill me?

3 By their 30s and 40s most of the nice men are coupled up so won’t I get a scumbag? And by saying I am just looking for a casual thing am I not pretty much limiting myself to scumbags? I can’t think of a way to find a nice guy for a one night thing though.

This probably all sounds ridiculous, but it’s what I am worried about and so am reaching out for help here. I know women do this all the time though so, please tell me how it works and if this seems like a reasonable idea or a terrible one.

I really wouldn’t just go and meet a total stranger off tinder in a town you’re visiting for the weekend. Maybe worth going on a few dates locally with someone first so you know them a little first. I get it’s probably not that risky. But I just wouldn’t take that risk

Casual ONS is to me the opposite of valuing your body so to me your comment is a load of nonsense. If you've experienced catching an STI and then learning to live with it or get it resolved you're more experienced at least emotionally in dealing with this side effect of casual non exclusive sex, particularly with strangers as ONS tends to be. PP is right, one thing is sure is that we are all different. I don't understand why you'd encourage promiscuity as women, it only benefits men.

@Ianz yeah! It was ringing in my ear in an Egyptian accent. I tried googling it to find out the origin but no luck. Glad someone understood the sentiment! 😂

ONS can be a lot of fun provided you are confident that you want to do it and avoid the obvious red flags (drunks, druggies etc). Don’t worry about being sexually inexperienced. Odds are they guy wont care.

The good news is that since you have a month you have plenty of time to shop around.
Whatever sites you use you are going to get a lot of replies from fakers and time wasters so register on a few different hook up sites and over the next month work it down to the ones that seem like a good fit for you. Remember to verify any pictures they show on their profiles are actually them and not something that they have taken from somewhere else.
Since you are not looking for a relationship or anything regular being a nice guy is definitely not important. Just makes sure that they seem like they are compatible with you.
Arrange to meet them in a public place so if they seem dodgy then you can just leave.
I would definitely suggest finding someone that satisfies a particular interest of yours (race, gender, personality type, body type etc). I imagine you already have a pretty good idea of what you want to try.
And obviously,
Protection.

@RoseCurry It is actually Tunisian and in Arabic it's written like this
صام صام وفطر على بصلة

Something like Feeld is a good app to find sex-positivity, you can just lay out what you're looking for and you can search by distance. Tinder could be ok, as IME lots of guys there are looking for casual. I would advise getting them to come to your hotel or something, so you are in control. Talk to them for a while first. Obviously condoms (I have no problem as well if people ask to see my STD results, which come in an NHS text so I show them, so if they are good they shouldn't have an issue sharing this).

i always think a very honest profile is better

now how you word this I don’t know !

but you are more likely to meet someone suitable and maybe someone not as experienced , similar to you if you are direct

there will be men like you !

and it’s not hard for women to find FWB
the respectful part will come from trial and error

I really don't understand the idea that "all men" are bad at sex or not interested in your pleasure. I'm sure there must be women who think they're great in bed who really aren't too.IME how well you know someone is not a reliable barometer of how good the sex will be. Good sex on a ONS is possible and crap sex (and non consensual sex) in a LTR is far from unheard of. And the world is a safer place than the Daily Mail would have us believe. If I were in you position, @Shyandhiding I'd be taking the advice on Killing Kittens.I hope you have the experience you're looking for.One last thought, have you seen "Good Luck to You, Leo Grande"?

Bigup @nomoretoriesforme and @YokoOnosBigHat 🙌🏼🙌🏼

Do more self-care, battery-powered or otherwise. The right album, meal, magazine ... and so on.

Do more things that please you, lots of them, because you can. A hot bath can take you places.

Plus, do everything when you want to.

Completely agree with @josuk good times come c/o knowing a partner over time, and better knowing yourself.
Completely agree with @StarlightLady about instant passion, mutual attraction and the heat of the moment.

Good luck, let's see what happens tomorrow.

Not convinced by those suggesting you look in sex-positive or hookup sites tbh. For somebody in your situation who's relatively inexperienced, I think that would be overwhelming and unsettling, a jumping into the deep end.

I'd say a regular dating site such as Bumble would be a better bet.

Events have probably moved on since your original post: hope you're navigating it well, and good luck to you.