Low sex drive

[HappyAnonymous]

Hi,

I don’t know if anyone has any tips. I have a really none existent sex drive and it’s caused my partner to cheat on me several times. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t feel attractive and I’m obsessed with my weight & body. I also have small boobs and I feel other women look a lot sexier than me because of it.

my partner has wanted to try different things with me for a while but there things I have no interest in such as cuckholding - I can’t imagine even enjoying it. Any help please

You didn't cause your stinking partner to cheat, he made that choice alone!!!!!!!

My ex cheated due to my low sex drive.... there's no excuse!

I could have written that word for word about myself. Hate my body, small boobs etc, but cheating on you is going to make you feel worse and even less likely to have sex.

My ex also wanted to do stuff that I wasn't interested in, he actually told me he wanted to leave him to experiment with other things ... Sex was more important to him than our relationship (over 3.5 years together and engaged).

I'm so pleased I didn't give into him because I would have felt worse, I ended our relationship because I wasn't willing to be made to feel like shit any more.

So my advice is that a mismatched sex drive isn't really going to work unless you suddenly decide you love yourself ...

That’s what I have explained to him I don’t want to hve sex because he has cheated. And then I don’t want to hve sex with strangers. I couldn’t think of anything worse.
but his lastest girl has has met he’s told her how boring I am and she has told him if she was with him she would just want him to tell her he needs to have sex with someone else and she would accept it because it’s not cheating then.
??????? my head is fucked with him

Lots of things wrong here.

It sounds like you have a nasty partner who is deliberately trying to mess with your head, to guilt-trip you into sex or to make you feel bad about yourself so that you'll stay with him through insecurity. Are you sure that this relationship is the right one for you? Everyone deserves to be with someone who treats them well and helps them to feel good about themselves. If you were in a nicer happier relationship then you might find that your sex drive gets higher, or maybe it's just naturally low but you could be with someone who is fine with that and you could both be happy with things staying that way.

The best help would be to leave, and don’t look back.

Your sex drive didn't cause him to cheat. He chose to. It does rather sound from your post that a lot of the way you seem to feel about yourself is a response to the way he is treating you, but cheating is always a choice.

We have a child together and I’ve found out he brought her to my house when I was out and she as making him a Sunday roast and he’s teasing me. He’s also told me he will have a baby straight away as soon as we split up if I leave. I want to leave but I hate how it’s going to effect my child as they are 6 and will be aware and confused

I feel stupid for posting on here but I’m in shock and have no one to speak to because I’m so embarrassed

There's nothing wrong with posting on here - it sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and it's completely understandable that you would want support and people to talk to about it. Lots of people post on Mumsnet every day to get support and advice. If you'd like more comments then you could also post in the Relationships section, which gets a lot more traffic. But totally fine to keep posting here as well and we can try to help.

Have you been together for many years then? Was he nicer to you in the early days?

Yes nearly 8 years I’m really scared to post in the relationship sections if I explain the full situation

Yes nearly 8 years I’m really scared to post in the relationship sections if I explain the full situation

Don't be. You'll get much more support and advice over there from women, some of who will have gone through the same or similar.

Your partner has cheated on you. He's pressuring you into doing things you're not comfortable with. He's using other women to manipulate you. He is the reason your self esteem is so low. He is an abusive man and you don't have to put up with it. If you stay your life will be miserable and you will never feel peace. Your poor child too.

What's hour housing situation? Do you rent/own? Who's name is it in? Do you have family and friends to support you?

We rent together but I could move in with family

That's good.

Are you sure there is no one you could confide in. If someone I cared about told me this, I would be nothing but supportive. You have said you're embarrassed, but you have no need to be. Any decent person will see that he is an abusive man and that you have done nothing wrong.

My family are already mad with me for staying this long I just feel like they will be look down on me

Do you mean they're mad at you for staying with him for so long?

Yes

Watching someone you love stay in a bad relationship is very frustrating and difficult and it can make others mad. If they're mad at you for staying with him, they're not going to be mad with you for leaving him finally. They'll be happy and relieved.

Leave and don't ever go back, no matter what he says. If you leave he'll probably try things to make you go back, from trying to scare you into going back to begging and saying sorry and declaring that he'll change. it's all part of what men like him do. Remember what he has put you through and know that he will never change.

"HappyAnonymous · 21/10/2023 22:31
Hi,

I don’t know if anyone has any tips. I have a really none existent sex drive and it’s caused my partner to cheat on me several times."

Not trying to judge you or put you down, but what would you have done if your husband had a lack of sex drive?

He can't force you to have sex with him nor can you force him to be celibate.

The best option is to split before it turns nasty.

It’s clear you’re not compatible. Someone with opposite sex drives is always going to be a problem, not excusing his behaviour but you are best ending the relationship now.

Well my sex drive changed when he cheated on me when I was pregnant. When I was having constant sex with him and after that. He actually begs me to go on a website and go meet someone random to hve sex with which isn’t what I want. I understand about different sex drives and at the beginning we were compatible

You're best ending the relationship because he is vile. Sex drives are irrelevant in this case.

As the majority have said, you need to end the relationship, he’s using emotional manipulation in order to keep you in the relationship.

"HappyAnonymous · 21/10/2023 22:31
Hi,

I don’t know if anyone has any tips. I have a really none existent sex drive and it’s caused my partner to cheat on me several times."

"HappyAnonymous · Yesterday 17:26

Well my sex drive changed when he cheated on me when I was pregnant."

Your 2 posts don't add up.

Either way, no point in continuing in the relationship.