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Original poster

Threesome - good/bad idea?

22 replies

KirstenMac · 19/10/2023 12:17

We’ve been married for 16 years and our sex life is almost non-existent. DH recently suggested a threesome with another guy for me! I was shocked at first and said no but I’m now thinking about the idea a lot! The idea of a new guy who has a bit of passion suddenly appeals. He suggested a mate of his but I’d find that weird so how would we find someone? We’re in central Scotland. Anyone have any tips?

OP posts:
thisismynewnamefornow · 19/10/2023 12:36

I'd be fixing my own sex life first before chucking other blokes in there. Difficult to understand how you can't find passion for each other but could if his mate was in the mix too.
Each to their own, not judging by any means, but I doubt that's a solution to solve the fundamental problem you have with each other

Original poster
KirstenMac · 19/10/2023 12:59

Thanks, I guess it’s just familiarity that’s caused things to go stale x

OP posts:
thisismynewnamefornow · 19/10/2023 13:14

If there's nothing else missing between you then sure it takes some regular work, but if you're at 0, I wouldn't be jumping to 100 to solve it. 20+ years with DW, it is me who ultimately has put in extra work to keep things as we both want, but it seems to have worked

Osirus · 19/10/2023 14:27

I’d be wondering why he has suggested a mate of his.

Janinejones · 19/10/2023 14:32

What is the mate doing for him? Changing the clutch on his 'classic' car.

Original poster
KirstenMac · 19/10/2023 14:36

Apparently he fancies me 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
KirstenMac · 19/10/2023 14:36

Sorry but that one is lost on me?

OP posts:
CplT · 19/10/2023 14:47

I would advise caution here.

Laffinalltheway · 19/10/2023 15:16

Janinejones · 19/10/2023 14:32

What is the mate doing for him? Changing the clutch on his 'classic' car.

😂😂😂

overtaxedoverworked · 19/10/2023 17:15

@thisismynewnamefornow and @CplT seem to have hit the nail on the head.
Unless he has some cuckold fantasy, who will be choreographing events if DH can't find the right spot with a map currently?

TooManyFish · 19/10/2023 18:07

KirstenMac · 19/10/2023 14:36

Apparently he fancies me 😂

Yeah, I don't think that's the reason.

Wise up.

Either your husband fancies his friend or he thinks so little of you that he's happy to pass you round to his mates.

Raise the bar.

outdooryone · 19/10/2023 19:49

I've been the +1 in a threesome and I'm male.
It was with a couple who had it as thier thing, something they had done before they got married, and continued on occasion. It clearly got them excited and clearly was a strong relationship.
However, I would question your husband's motivation on this one. Seems odd he's not into you and exploring things with you - he's simply announced that he thinks you should go with his mate.

lilkitten · 20/10/2023 00:20

I do love threesomes, but I would say it's best to have a good conversation about where this idea has come from. We talked about possibilities for years before opening our relationship, but I know couples who have found things get worse. I wouldn't do it with my DH's mate though, I think that's too close. If after chatting with him you want to go ahead, try Fab Swingers (website) or Feeld (ENM dating app, though be specific what you're looking for as people also look for romantic relationships). I wonder if it is solely for you, or if he would like to play with men too? Have the chat and see, but check you're both happy before going further

mnmnddddd · 20/10/2023 06:09

For some people its a genuine turn on to see their partner with someone else. And if everyone is cool with that, why not?!
Your DH may have suggested someone he knows because it feels safer than a stranger. And if you're cool with that, that's fine too.

Things to consider first:
Is this something YOU want to do?
If you just want to spice things up, there are easier ways to do it.
Is the relationship solid? Do you trust each other completely? 3somes can uncover cracks you didn't think we're a big deal and you won't know if you OR your DH will end up have a negative experience until it's too late.
A stranger might be an easier option with less emotional entanglement. Never fuck someone on the first meeting - meet them for coffee first, give yourself a week to reflect on how you both feel. You need to have a sense of how you're going to feel about yourselves and each other the next day.
Decide ground rules both of you are comfortable with. Above all, respect each other and respect the third person. If you feel pressured, walk away.

ButterflyDream · 20/10/2023 10:40

If you’re into the idea, why not? You’ll find plenty of single men up for it on fab swingers.

topnoddy · 20/10/2023 17:50

It suits some couples and not others , just think very carefully about it especially with someone your husband knows .

I've been a third party on one occasion when i was at a nudist beach and the male partner got off on seeing his wife hiving another bloke a handjob , it was a great experience for me and they both seemed to enjoy it as well .

EmmsyS · 20/10/2023 22:03

If you both like the idea then go for it. You need to be comfortable in your relationship though. If either of you are the jealous type, then it’s a mistake.

It’s also definitely a mistake to do it with someone you both know socially.

James123abc · 23/10/2023 12:09

When I was single I met a couple who wanted a plus one
i made it clear I was straight and no interest in the guy
he just wanted to watch which did not bother me and I was horny so went with it
we did it a couple of times then the wife messaged me as she wanted to meet me alone which I did it was great her husband was a dick in quite a few ways tbf
we ended up being FWB for many years we both have re married I would still meet her as a friend but her husband is not keen we had a relationship where when either of us were dating we would just meet as friends when both single we would have sex
if I were in your shoes I would want to be sure I understood and was happy why he would want his mate to be fucking you

Original poster
KirstenMac · 23/10/2023 17:39

Thanks, as recommended I’ve joined fabswingers today so here we go!!!

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/11/2023 08:13

As your sex life is non existent i think this is a very bad idea !!!

I’ve seen this
woman enthusiastically embraces other man

original man is vv jealous

approach w caution

PinotPony · 02/11/2023 14:01

DP and I are in an ENM relationship and regularly have threesomes, foursomes and moresomes.

But I think this is a really bad idea for you. If there's the slightest chink of insecurity or jealousy in your relationship, adding other participants is likely to make things worse.
It doesn't sound like either of you are happy with your non-existent sex life.

You might have a great night with this chap joining you. But how does your DP cope when he senses you enjoy his friend more than him? How do you feel when DP is more turned on by watching his mate fuck you than he is when you're alone? When you want a repeat but DP doesn't..? That's when the niggling doubt creeps in... am I not enough?

You need to have rock solid confidence and trust in your relationship before you try this.

itsmyp4rty · 02/11/2023 14:11

Having a threesome to fix your sex life is never going to be a good idea.

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