Men with limited sexual experience?

[Myfishlikesjazzmusic]

Here is a question for the ladies.

Male here, mid fifties and my only sexual experience/relationships were with a lady in my late twenties, which lasted about 18 months. I ended things because she got too clingy/sulked when I had to go to work and her mum and sister used to phone me up frequently, complaining that I worked in an industry which involved shift-work and I should be spending all my time with her. I felt under so much pressure and trapped.

In my thirties, a lady I met on a night school course asked me out and we dated for about a year. She was a lady I knew locally a few years previously, who got married, moved away, separated from her husband and returned to the area again. She used to get very impatient with we as I occasionally could not sexually perform and then she turned it into an on/off relationship on her terms, which knocked my confidence.

I used to be very shy until my twenties, due to being bullied at school and generally lacking confidence.

I now feel more confident in myself, especially over the last 15 or 20 years, more socially outgoing and people often tell me how polite, generous, reliable, trustworthy and thoughtful I am.

Does limited sexual experience put you off a man?

And it wasn't hyperbolic, the poster was absolutely correct in what she was saying. The man sounds entitled at best.

Your responses are hyperbolic too. What was said was very bland advice, to be honest: don't go to bed with people who will be unpleasant to you. Regarding that very bland comment as having anything to do with:

The attitude that women (or men) ought to be willing to do things or they are seen as bad is horrible.

while true, is a big leap.

As for the OP, he said uncomplimentary things about previous partners. Very, very, very, very, very common on here. What lies behind it can never be known. The only question is whether or not you take it at face value or project your own views onto it.

I will add that there's no point in having a rule against PMing if it's never enforced.

It's not hyperbolic. Its just picking people up on what was said. To say that a woman 'ought' to do something says that this man is very entitled.

Having seen other things posted by him, I feel I have the measure of him.

As a woman, I've become quite skilled at knowing the good men and not so good ones and know what I'm seeing here. Other women agree with @KarmasOnYourScent including me.

Agree with karma, gigi and from Austin. Women aren't here to serve men, teach you how to have sex or relationships and we certainly don't want your PMs. Almost any time I post anything on this board, I've get a PM. It's sickening.

I think "ought not to be a shithead" is a given. A pity that you and a couple of others disagree. But my point stands regardless of that as without that absolute basic you can't build any relationship, and I have no doubt that the OP will take that on board.

Men sending women creepy unsolicited PMs is itself shithead behaviour of a different sort and it's a depressing constant here

@Catullus5 Bless you changing his words to pretend he meant something else. A loyal friend indeed but we can all see what has been written and 'shithead' was not it.

Mumsnet need to sort out the PM situation.

This is an increasingly desperate effort by you to defend the point. As I quoted him in my earlier reply all I need to do is point this out. I'll add that I haven't ever conversed with anyone who has contributed to this thread, including dgconsultant. Nice try though.

I agree with your last sentence. But I think it's up to users of the board to apply pressure.

In terms of the OP, it will put some women off but will not bother others at all. It depends what someone wants in a relationship. Surprisingly, women are not all the same.

An increasingly desperate effort by me? I've only just commented. I just happen to agree with others here.

In addition to the other efforts.

A warranted comment, as you added an inference that I was a 'loyal friend' despite my hostility to sending unwanted PMs, which is what the 'loyal friend did'.

This is the quote:

and any woman whose worth sleeping with ought to be tolerant as long as your willing to learn and take instruction, if appropriate.

Which I shortened to:

'don't sleep with shitheads'

As some had trouble comprehending this.

Perhaps I should resort to sign language.

perhaps you shouldn't miss the part out which said women "ought" to do something, implying they are responsible for men being useless in bed and for helping them become less useless. Some women may be happy to be in that relationship, but no women 'ought' to, and it doesn't make them a shithead if they're not up for that,

Which part is that?

I've missed quite a few posts. Im glad others have also called this out.

Putting the responsibility on others by saying they ought to be willing to do this or that sexually, otherwise they're not worth something or they now a shithead really is terrible.

I'm not shocked because sadly we see this attitude from men especially on here and in real life. Blaming women for their problems and the fact they 'ain't getting any'. They don't see that if they improved their attitude, they'd do much better in every way.

At my age, I wouldn’t want to be giving sex lessons to a man in his 50’s.

Yup, if they don't know what they're doing by their 50s, they never will. Who's got time for that?

@Myfishlikesjazzmusic hope you've not been scared off by all the bickering!

My partner was not very experienced when we met, he was older than me and hadn't really had any long term relationships for a number of reasons. Our first time together sexually wasn't great, very quick as you'd imagine...but he was a keeper.
He is now a fantastic and generous lover and whilst he was quite vanilla at first (which was fine- a quality vanilla is enjoyable!) our sex life has become decidedly spicy over these last few years which I am very excited about (literally and figuratively).
He was a willing learner and genuinely adores me which has made the biggest difference...I haven't had to "teach" him though, he has been paying attention to what works for me and what doesn't...and always ensures my pleasure first (and sometimes second, third etc)

It does a bit, sorry. My boyfriend right before DH was a virgin when we met, he’d never even kissed anyone! He was 35 FFS. He was a terrible kisser, terrible shag and made sex noises, ugh 😩 Not sure why I went out with him really.