Feel like I’m bad at sex! Help !

[anonymouse888]

I’ve completely lost my confidence around sex.
I’m in my first relationship in a long time.
Like over 8 years, after concentrating on being a single parent and not really having any opportunities beyond the odd one night stand.
I just feel like I have missed out on years of actual experience sexually and like I don’t know what to do anymore!
And it’s sort of a vicious cycle because the more I think about how crap I am then the more rubbish I feel and it knocks my confidence even more.
It feels like myself and my partner are in a bit of a rut and sex is always him on top, me on top, or sort of lying on on our sides. Any other positions I feel so awkward and like I don’t know what to do.
I’m probably not explaining myself very well! Im quite a clumsy, awkward person anyway and that obviously isn’t very sexy!
His last partner was very open sexually and into tantric sex and I feel like a massive disappointment.
Any tips on how to be sexier? Or to become more sexually confident?
I feel like I need to watch some sort of YouTube video tutorial to talk me through different things! 😬

His last partner was very open sexually and into tantric sex and I feel like a massive disappointment.

Perhaps he realised that he preferred someone more spontaneous and less inclined to elaborate practices. Try not to overthink things, just be yourself and enjoy each other.

That’s exactly what I mean about it being a vicious cycle. I feel awkward & clumsy and like I find it hard to let myself go and the more aware of it I am the harder it is! Maybe I need to try some meditation or something 😂
just finding it difficult & like I’ve missed out on a lot of experience.

What you/he did with previous partners shouldn't come into unless you both actively want to discuss it. You're having sex with each other, not your exes.

Sexual confidence is like any confidence and comes over time. How your partner is is a big part of that. Does he know you lack confidence and how does he respond to that? Maybe he's in the same boat. There are lots of exercises you can do together that can help you both connect if you're both motivated and your communication is good.

Agree with the other poster re previous history
Why would he tell you what sex path a previous partner was like?(unless you asked sorry) That may have contributed to how you feel you have less confidence than you would like it would me.
Try amd relax and enjoy rather than analyse perhaps ? How's the rest of the relationship?

I don’t think length of time without sex has much bearing, didn’t for me anyway. For me the partner made the difference, first guy I had sex with after 10yrs of no sex was very confident and made me feel very confident so we had some great sex. Would some alcohol help? I definitely feel more confident when I’ve had a couple of drinks (not too many). Why not spice things up with an advent calendar from Love honey or something?

Feeling attracted to one's partner and a bit of enthusiasm go a long way. Everybody's a bit different in terms of what they like and there's not a single set of techniques that work in all cases. Personally, what little I know of Tantric sex suggests there's a lot of waiting around - a bit like the erotic equivalent of Waiting for Godot. Much better to get on with it in my opinion.

Maybe go to a woman centred sex shop, on your own just to be in a sex positive environment. That helped me after a sex drought.

@AlexaAdventuress Yeah, I don't think I've got the patience of that, and meditating on my ... err ... chakra, never mind someone else's, is never going to be my thing.

Have a look at Hello Jenny Keane on Insta or look up her website: https://www.jennykeane.com/

She does online workshops for various sex topics that people want to develop skills in. She currently has some workshops advertised (Blow & self pleasure). She's also running a sex skills workshop which might help you. She has a positive approach to sex and has a great sense of humour. Everyone keeps their clothes on & when you join online, you don't have your camera on. She is very good at what she does & the workshops sell out quickly. Both partners can usually attend the online session. She often gets comments from women who say that they started to watch with their partner, but didn't manage to finish watching as they were too busy having fantastic sex with their partner!

Can you do some more experimental sessions with your partner, IF that's what you would like. I wouldn't overthink it, but more ask what he would enjoy and elaborate on your own desires. If you're near the midlands though I can recommend my friend, a sexual practitioner who works with individuals and couples, lunaloves.uk. Don't compare yourself to his previous partner though, you are different and he is with you now 😊

Practice, practice, practice. Tough after 8 years.