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Original poster

Men's kinks elsewhere

11 replies

Graasspp · 04/10/2023 16:55

Watching the vogue and joanne sex program c4.

they were talking about when you are with lads buy their kinks lie elsewhere. Girls they want to fuck and girls they want to marry don't necessarily cross over so they end up living a double life behind your back

Presumably they mean online porn or masturbation about the real kinks and then just having sex with a beautiful woman as a different thing.

Does this ring true do you think?

(A lot of mn male responders will be amazing excellent communicators I know with most satisfyingly and enlightened sexual relationships....?!l)

OP posts:
FellatrixLestrange · 04/10/2023 18:06

Why the snark tho?

Original poster
Graasspp · 04/10/2023 18:13

Because the men on here aren't representative of most men

OP posts:
blameless · 04/10/2023 20:52

@Graasspp I'll bite.
Many people looking to bag a spouse, pretend to be someone they're not. People who develop a sudden interest in a particular sport to meet others or spend time filling social media with pictures with borrowed babies, toddlers or photogenic pets.
I had hoped that the madonna/whore dichotomy, where men felt that the wives that they loved and respected wouldn't countenance their kinks or fetishes had largely died out.
While I'm unsighted about those who might just lie about their true desires, there do seem to be a disconcerting number of men secretly having sex with other men as revealed by outbreaks of 'Mpox' and STDs that had previously been considered almost extinct.

Original poster
Graasspp · 05/10/2023 04:20

Thanks.
Judging by the number of confidential pms now, not all men on here are having the perfect balance between fantasy and reality as you might think from the public posts.
There we go.

OP posts:
Catullus5 · 05/10/2023 09:38

Men on here are about as representative as men on a TV programme designed to distract dull people. Make of that whatever you will.

Original poster
Graasspp · 05/10/2023 13:36

Catullus5 · 05/10/2023 09:38

Men on here are about as representative as men on a TV programme designed to distract dull people. Make of that whatever you will.

I don't think there were any men on the TV programme I watched in fact!

Whereas there are some on mn sex board, and I was trying to preempt the usual 'my DP and I do it all right, well no complaints from her anyway' responses.

Instead got a few saucy pm, which wasn't wanted either. But mildly distracting I suppose.

OP posts:
Softskinrocks · 05/10/2023 18:32

It was definitely the case in my marriage. We met young and he never saw me as a sexual being. He wanted a pure wife/ mother (but also wanted sex all the time, just boring). If I tried anything, he’d laugh or be uncomfortable. He destroyed my confidence and ended up having multiple affairs. I’ve been nothing but happy since I left him and have had some wonderful experiences! My new partner is the complete opposite :)

Catullus5 · 05/10/2023 23:38

Graasspp · 05/10/2023 13:36

I don't think there were any men on the TV programme I watched in fact!

Whereas there are some on mn sex board, and I was trying to preempt the usual 'my DP and I do it all right, well no complaints from her anyway' responses.

Instead got a few saucy pm, which wasn't wanted either. But mildly distracting I suppose.

Show quote history

You aren't giving me a high opinion of that programme :-) It sounds like the equivalent of the Vatican discussing the Pill, just better television. What you're describing sounds like a reheated version of madonna / whore syndrome. Which is no doubt a thing but highly simplistic.

I hope you'll consider reporting the PMs. It used to be that registration for 90 days was needed to post on here and some of us are keen for that to come back.

loveandthunder · 06/10/2023 07:13

Girls they want to fuck and girls they want to marry.

I read the most mind alternating book on affairs, the difference between love and eroticism.

If your interested in this have a listen / read to "State of Affairs" by Esther Perel

I was drawn to the book following my divorce after finding out my eH had a double life with sex workers and having his kinks address away from home.

It honestly blew my mind and has made me and my lovely new DP open up a lot about sex and talk rather than assume

Original poster
Graasspp · 06/10/2023 08:58

Catullus5 · 05/10/2023 23:38

You aren't giving me a high opinion of that programme :-) It sounds like the equivalent of the Vatican discussing the Pill, just better television. What you're describing sounds like a reheated version of madonna / whore syndrome. Which is no doubt a thing but highly simplistic.

I hope you'll consider reporting the PMs. It used to be that registration for 90 days was needed to post on here and some of us are keen for that to come back.

Show quote history

Because it was only women? 😂

It was a shit programme, but it wasn't the main point of my post in any way.

Thanks for the book rec @loveandthunder I'll check it out.

OP posts:
Catullus5 · 07/10/2023 02:51

It absolutely was. You mentioned a discussion on a C4 programme about men who distinguish between "girls they want to fuck and girls they want to marry" and carry on a double life behind the back of the latter. You asked whether it rang true and then made it clear you didn't want to hear from a group who would say no.

It's no different to the idea that women like to fuck bad guys and marry good guys (and cheat on them.) I'm sure a limited number of women like that exist but only incels think this is true of women generally, and only incels like to get together to swap anecdotes that confirm this prejudice.

loveandthunder's approach is best: love and eroticism combined.

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