Is it just me???

[lozzarow22]

Ok so me and my partner have been together 3 years we have a 14 month old. I use to have a very very high sex drive... even when preg etc but he's not as much as me, if I touch him or try he will be up for it lol but he barely ever seems to make the 1st move and probably happy with sex once a week... I suffer from depression and BPD so if he doesn't try after a week am like it's me, he hates how I look, I go in to overdrive with overthinking. And I know sex isn't a massive part of a rship but it is a part of it. I know he's not getting it else were he's just never been the best to start.. in my previous rships a loved dressing up, toys, games all sorts but it's like cause he's not as high a sex driver as me.. it puts me off doing all that, and I end up just going to bed n can't be bothered now why try if only me willing to.

I doubt it’s you at all, but in any relationship where there is a significant difference / mismatch in sex drive the person with the higher drive is always going to feel neglected/ unappreciated

you Can try to explain this to your partner but he probably won’t understand where you are coming from

I have done, he says he doesn't see an issue or a change. We use to do it all the time I understand honeymoon period at begin of an rship then after having a baby. But I always go straight to it must be me x

Mine’s the same OP but we do it a lot less than once a week, so you’re lucky there, even if it’s not as much as you would like.

In my experience, and from what you see from other posters here, you just have to learn to live with him having a lower sex drive.

If you want more excitement though, that is something that can be changed if you’re brave enough to bring it up and get him on board.

Im the same OP bpd and overthinking even down to the many times rejected too tired or fell asleep so now i literally avoid !

He's only said no once as " didn't have time " but spent about half an hour in a bath... so had time even a quickie. I actually cried, sad I know he doesn't know I did but it just made me feel so unwanted or loved. X

There could be all sorts of reasons.

He might not have properly adjusted to being a father. It gets assumed that men just carry on as normal. Not necessarily true.

He might not be wanting to burden you. That might explain why he's fine if you initiate.

His sex drive might have taken a knock for some other reason. Men aren't sex machines.

Have you asked him?

He says he doesn't see anything wrong with it or a difference. But there is. He says he's happy etc but I am feeling an putting him off or something I have gained a bit of weight after having the baby and it was a C-section so I am para I've put him off with the scar etc

Well I'm there's more going on than that reply. He may not know the reason himself. You all sound like you're under a bit of pressure. That's possibly far more a libido killer than a bit of weight gain that he mightn't even notice.

It's nice not to always have to initiate sex, but on the other hand why not lean into that for now until he gets his mojo back?

You do know that it’s completely fine for men not to want sex, just because you wanted a quickie it’s completely valid for him not to,

women are often told this on this forum, but the same applies to men,

I understand it's perfectly fine for him to say that, and for woman to say that. But not once has he ever said it... so after having a baby and body changing and a big section scar, it makes me feel unwanted. Maybe just my emotions right now. But was so out of character for him not saying he has to because I want to, or other way around just never ever happened b4 is what I mean x