Aggression in sex

[lostsoul88]

My new girlfriend has told me she likes thing’s really rough in the bedroom.
normally I consider myself a gentle and considerate lover and I’m a bit unsure.
she basically likes me to hold her down and get very rough with her, biting, hitting etc.
also she likes me to force myself inside her orally And anally.
I literally feel like I’m raping her and if I’m honest i feel quite uncomfortable about that but after she always tells me how amazing it was etc.

Not really sure what the question is here but any advice would be appreciated?

Your feelings during sex are important too. So if it makes you feel uncomfortable please tell her. She should respect your feelings /wishes and maybe you can come to a compromise.

If you don't feel comfortable then don't do it. Your feelings matter too.

Personally I wouldn't be biting, hitting or forcing penetration. What if you caused visible injuries? If she took against you for any reason she could cry assault or rape and you'd have to prove it was consensual.

Yes she quite often has marks on her body. She loves me to bite her neck and I stop and say it will leave a mark but she doesn’t care and keeps pushing me hard to do it.

I do consider my feeling and although I’m uncomfortable I think it’s around conditioned thinking, like it’s wrong to do those things. But I guess if the other person is a consenting individual there’s nothing “wrong” with it. 🤷🏻‍♂️

If you aren’t into it then be honest with her. To be honest, what she’s asking sounds horrible. I don’t blame you for not wanting to act the part of a rapist. Yuck

Haven’t you gone back to school yet @Captain1 ? You’re just a naughty little boy, not a sensational stud making up such silly stories.

Not really sure what this means? I don’t know why I would make this stuff up?

There are people that enjoy being restrained, spanked, hit, bitten and much more during sex (If you have the stomach for it, look up CNC... You have been warned!) It's not for everyone.

If your partner "needs" that, and you aren't comfortable with it, then you need to move on, and so do they.

I would be more concerned about how she ended up with this sort of desire! In my limited experience of this sort of appetite, in the case I knew the lady had been in an abusive marriage for years but had grown to accept what the guy had done to her. Eventually anything softer simply wasn’t enough.

I would establish a few safe words so you know the boundaries and limits. Also, make sure as other have said to consider your own feelings in this.

Sex is for both of you to enjoy, if don’t like doing those things and she does I would assume you are not compatible, as it’s almost certainly going to affect you in future relationships

it would be a thanks but no thanks from me.

Thanks for advice, I did insist on a safe word. She’s never used it. Sometimes I do get quite turned on by it but then start to feel guilty.

I guess I’ll see how it goes.

I'm very into kink, but this approach doesn't feel healthy to me. There should be a consideration for what both of you want. I'm non-monogamous and my primary partner would never do anything that involved hurting me, he just can't, but I have a sadist partner who can do that to me. However he has limits on other things like CNC (consensual non-consent) so I do that with someone else. I think there does need to be a discussion of hard and soft limits, ie things you would be interested in and things you definitely wouldn't be.

I'm into quite extreme kink, but I've not had any kind of negative relationships before embarking on my journey. I don't have any knowledge of the psychology behind desires, I just know that for me personally extreme kink is a very intimate two-way scenario, where we both get enjoyment from it and there is a lot of discussion, planning, and care (before, during and after).

And this is the thing: it may be just desire for passion as you describe. Or it could be something more. Minds work differently and that’s what makes these interactions interesting. To say the least. lol.