Sex after baby

[Chalkylolli]

My partner and I haven’t had sex since conceiving our 2 month old baby. He wasn’t interested during my pregnancy and we’ve never made the effort since. I miss it a lot whereas my partner isn’t bothered as he never had a particularly high sex drive to begin with. I’m too embarrassed to initiate as when I did previously I’d always be knocked back so I gave up trying. We haven’t had the conversation about trying now I’m healed and recovered from the birth, again I feel ashamed bringing it up and essentially begging for some physical affection. It’s got to the point where it has almost been a year and it feels like it would be very awkward. I’ve forgotten what to do, where to put my hands, how to react, etc, I feel like a teenage virgin suddenly. It makes me feel really shit because we used to have a great sex life but I don’t think we could get that back as I find it difficult to shut off when I feel the way I do. I know my partner will never be the one to bring it up or try it on so it’s down to me to either have the conversation or wash my hands of the situation. Neither of us want anymore children so the long term plan is sterilisation, although it won’t matter if we’re not even having sex.
So for the ladies who have been in this situation, how did you get back into it without feeling embarrassed or awkward? How long after the birth did you wait?

My husband was the same. We didn’t have sex after about 16 weeks because I’d started to show and it put him off. He didn’t admit this but you just know don’t you?

He wasn’t interested after she was born either, and we didn’t have sex again until two days before she was a year old. So it was 18 months for us. When we finally got down to it, we had just got married, so that was probably the catalyst. It was sporadic after that for quite some time, not much better now - about once a month on average, occasionally more. He has a low sex drive.

Not sure what the answer is really. You can’t make someone have a higher sex drive so I guess it’s just acceptance.

You need to talk to him. It’s really hard starting that conversation, I’ve been there, several times. I’ve found what works well is making about what I would like, how much I want him, rather than what he isn’t doing, which used to immediately make him defensive.

You sound like the female version of me, I still want it every day and my partner could happily do once a month or less, again we had an amazing sex life before our first pregnancy and we've never fully recovered.
Everyone tells you it'll come back, and I'm sure once kids get a bit older it will but I'm struggling like mad still, I try and schedule date nights and offer massages, oral only etc and always get knocked back
We're now almost five years ears down line and with it's hard work it's all about making time and getting some kind of sex life back but we are nowhere near what we were like before , we had a second child which was the only time my partner wanted regular sex and are now back to probably once every three weeks
My advice is to communicate and plug on but unfortunately sometimes family life changes your sex life

Is there still intimacy in your marriage? Do you hold hands, cuddle up on the sofa, kiss each other..?

In my experience you need to reignite the joy in simply touching each other, having a physical connection, before you can get back to having sex.

You absolutely have to talk to him about how you feel. The problem won't solve itself. No criticism or judgement of him, no pressure to do anything he doesn't want to, just plainly state what you need and ask whether he thinks there's a way for you to reconnect.