Spicing things up in the bedroom

[Spicingthings]

Nearly 20 year relationship and things feel like they’re becoming very routine and we often stick to the same things. We have experimented with toys and I have some lingerie I’m yet to wear. Is there anything else we could try or any books that might help spice things up a little more in the bedroom?

Have you tried role play yet ?

Definitely the lingerie. Perhaps try being waxed or shaved when you do. I did try slutty tight stuff once with a bit of role play. Felt stupid to start but he soon got 8nto it and really took over.

Perhaps talk with him might be worthwhile?

I hadn’t thought of role play, I will give it a go, thanks.

+1 vote for lingerie there. It's all about the build up - I would recommend some sexting during the day and maybe some pic teases of what you will be wearing. All helps to sharpen the appetite

David Schnarch's Passionate Marriage might be worth a looky look, his insights into committed relationships are pretty amazing.

I would go with trim vs baldilocks, my DW has a few issues when she tried the full monty as it gave her natural flora down there a bit of a shock.

Talking is also highly underrated, by that I mean even sharing fantasy or ideas between you can be like pressing an accelerator button for some (really works for us).

Toys could be worth a try too.

Now whilst their relationship is very much out there into the Lifestyle you might get some insights and ideas all-round from the Vanilla to Vixen Podcast.

For us if even a nibble on your subconscious crops up it's worth a chat and a try, cos in our book if you ain't tried something how do you know if it's good for you or not??

Neither of us where even open to trying anal even three years ago but it's a regular staple for us now.

Good luck and report back!!

We occasionally watch porn together, nothing too graphic or demeaning, massage rooms type thing or just the lovers guide , seems to do the trick and leads to different things

If nervous trying something new, could you get a weekend away?That's what I did so was nice being away. He had hinted about trying different things, but typical bloke didn't initiate himself. First time was:

Full wax which he loved.
Nice but slutty lingerie if that makes sense.
Hints during the evening to him...some champs and also cocktails gave me Dutch courage
Changed in the bathroom when I got back as my slutty outfit wasn't really for the rather posh hotel
I talked a little dirty to him.

My fear was he would laugh.....thank god he didn't. He took over and showed my what dirty talk really could be along with some other stuff I had never imagined but tried and enjoyed.

Yes..really good to try different. Keeps your relationship nurtured and interesting. Good luck.

Thank you all, really helpful and will try some of these suggestions out.

@namechanged1010 I think that's a great post. It shows you took charge and took the initiative.

It's probably the wrong name for it but 'dirty talk' I find really does help. And I love hearing it.

What about those card games where you pick one and have to do the act named on the card. You get different ones from vanilla ish sex right up to fetish and bdsm. Have a look on ebay etc.

Definitely a wax and sexy lingerie, maybe fishnets, heels and a nice waspie if you're comfortable with that. I find waxing increases sensation.

MIL had seen some lingerie (it was only a lacey red bra ffs) on my drying airer thing after using our bathroom and asked, is that what you wear to bed with my son? I was just like erm. Still don't know if that was bonks of her but I'm super pissed off, wtf

After baby I was shy about being seen naked. Tried role play with me wearing long dress or nightie like Jane Austen or Heyer character.
A few tangles in the bed but it WORKED for us. After a while back to how it used to be.