It’s not just lack of sex but also lack of affection.
married ten years with a 4 and 5 year old.
I dearly love my wife and absolutely fancy her but feel so unwanted it’s starting to affect me mentally to the extent I feel ugly and upset all the time.
we’re both early 40’s but literally have no sexlife whatsoever.
I had a spell of ed which I thought was all my fault but I’m fit as a fiddle and even went to the doctors who said there is nothing wrong with me.
but now I’ve realised it was down to feeling so unwanted.
my wife never comes and sits next to me infact it feels like she chooses to sit on another sofa from me.
she doesn’t compliment how I look ever (although I always do with her).
she never initiates a hug/cuddle (I have to every time)
never ever has she just kissed me.
never has she initiated sex.
and not once in 10 years has she told me she loves me.
I’ve spoken to her about this and I get “why did you pick me, it’s how my family are” which in all fairness is true but should she work on herself rather than me just put up??
I’ve spoken about improving our sexlife and trying anything than just plain old missionary for 10 years and had a point blank no that’s it I’m not trying anything (although she’s told me she tried all sorts with exes when younger)
So I say I don’t feel comfortable asking for sex as there is literally nothing inbetween house mate and sex which makes me uncomfortable and I lose an erection.
Literally had 2 days where she sat by me uncomfortably that’s it and now back to the same old.
I feel like throwing the towel in but I love my kids and wife.
We do get on and have a good quality of life and spend time together but to me it feels more like mates than people that find each other sexy.
She talks of our future etc so don’t think she’s checked out.
I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel maybe I’m just an easy ride and I’m only worth maintenance sex (which I don’t want like this anymore)