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Original poster

Erection problems

14 replies

branchesarebrown · 30/08/2023 12:18

Nc as I am embarrassed by the situation. Last night me and dh (late 30's) were having sex. He had no problem getting hard but couldn't keep it up. This morning he tells me he thinks he has ed. ok will support him if this is true. However, I no he looks at porn and women online, (instergram etc) I no he wants over them. I no he can stay hard til he cums. In my head it's because I don't look like the women he looks at (I don't, I am over weight, had dc's, bf for a number of years so my body can't compete) would it be possible to wank keep hard and cum watching porn/ women online if you had ed?

OP posts:
CallistaFlockfart · 30/08/2023 14:45

When do the schools start back?

Original poster
branchesarebrown · 30/08/2023 14:47

CallistaFlockfart · 30/08/2023 14:45

When do the schools start back?

Thanks for the reply, not helpful but thanks. I am a women in her 30's who wanted a question answered. Didn't need to comment if you don't believe I'm an adult

OP posts:
GigiAnnna · 30/08/2023 15:32

CallistaFlockfart · 30/08/2023 14:45

When do the schools start back?

This is the sex topic. Which you have chosen to peruse yourself seeing as it doesn't show up in active. I don't see anything here that is particular troll like.
OP, I don't know but I think it's unlikely there's anything wrong with the way you look. Ask him.

Original poster
branchesarebrown · 30/08/2023 15:42

I have asked him and he said he still finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me. But it's hard when I no the women he's looking at, don't no if they have children but they don't look like they do. My body can't compete with someone who looks perfect, eg flat stomach, nice bum, boobs that are still up, perfect vagina. I have none of that.

OP posts:
Anotherlurkingmale · 30/08/2023 18:30

I don't think I'm the only guy who finds natural looking women with more realistic bodies more attractive than the artificial pornstar look. Losing erections can be mortifying for both partners but I bet you it's nothing to do with you and how attractive he finds you. I bet he's as upset about it as you are.

Porn can be tricky issue for couples. Everyone has their own views and boundaries but I wonder in this case if his porn habit is starting to affect his performance and it may help if he cuts down on it a little bit. If that doesn't make a difference then maybe time to consider the various treatments and medications available.

Catullus5 · 30/08/2023 18:56

I had ED earlier this year. I went to the doctor who told me there was no obvious cause, it could just be age related, and there was always Viagra.

It was very dispiriting: part of me that had always worked suddenly didn't, and even now I'm surprised at how much it knocked my confidence.

I consulted Dr Google instead and discovered that men can do Kegels exercise. So I began them and about three weeks later the problem began to end. Either because of a placebo effect or the Kegels I've no problems now.

About the wanking: a hand-job is much more possible with ED than penetrative sex, even leaving aside the performance anxiety ED causes.

About the porn: I'm sure he does find you sexy but if his porn habit are making you feel bad you should have a conversation about that.

Catullus5 · 30/08/2023 19:01

Should have added: he does need to see the doctor. ED can be a symptom of very bad things so he should get those ruled out.

Deanlad1980 · 31/08/2023 06:45

I thought I had ed but was finding sex with my my wife a little boring.
after kids she was concious of her body.
I find her body more attractive than any other body yet she chooses to hide it and not explore together.
the constant hiding away and not connecting is making sex a chore rather than something we both enjoy together.

I wish women wouldn’t be so hard on themselves.

Original poster
branchesarebrown · 31/08/2023 11:44

I don't hide my body away, will happily send him photos of me in underwear, wear underwear having sex, sex (was until this happened) is still fun, I'm open to try anything. The body confidence has come from him watching porn and not being able to stay hard has knocked me.

OP posts:
xpc316e · 31/08/2023 15:31

It is perfectly possible to masturbate with a less than hard penis; the nerve endings in the penis don't disappear when it is soft.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Viagra and its cousins only work for 65-70% of men. For those it does work for, about 25% of those users find that its effectiveness declines markedly after two years of use as they develop tolerance to the drug. Basically, I am saying that it isn't the wonder drug it is portrayed to be.

jc12689 · 04/09/2023 22:26

It's know, not No.

Hijinks75 · 05/09/2023 09:29

xpc316e · 31/08/2023 15:31

It is perfectly possible to masturbate with a less than hard penis; the nerve endings in the penis don't disappear when it is soft.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Viagra and its cousins only work for 65-70% of men. For those it does work for, about 25% of those users find that its effectiveness declines markedly after two years of use as they develop tolerance to the drug. Basically, I am saying that it isn't the wonder drug it is portrayed to be.

Having some real ED problems at present but agree with the comments about viagra, the other issue with it is you have to take it an hour before sex, which means a degree of planning, not something that happens in our relationship, it happens when it happens, DW would basically tell me to get lost if I suggested planning sex

Dadandahalf · 06/09/2023 00:06

Seconding this, but also bear in mind that Viagra and similar drugs are not the only remedies these days. There are a variety of ED drugs available that have different mechanisms of action, and it's worth experimenting (always on your GP's advice) if the first choices don't work for you.

Dadandahalf · 06/09/2023 00:07

Sorry, I meant to quote xpc316e's post, but clearly at 41 my tech skills have gone.

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