Faking It

[liveforsaturday]

Hey guys - I just wanted to try and get people’s thoughts on faking it. Is it ok & who does it?

For context, I’m in mid twenties and had never faked an orgasm before, luckily I’d never had to. I’ve had quite a few partners and all of them could get me there.

Recently started seeing a new guy who I really like but in the bedroom he just doesn’t do it for me. The first few times I didn’t fake anything but I didn’t orgasm, I just let him finish and said I was all good.

I’ve faked it on the last few times now, mainly because it was starting to get a little awkward and I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like him. Having never seen me really cum I don’t think he knows I fake it and he is quite pleased with himself after.

I just want to know if this is ok or a bad habit to get into if this turns out to be a long term relationship. I obviously don’t want to be faking things my whole life.

A one night thing you’re never going to see again, yes I don’t see why not, you’re not hurting anyone.

But someone you like and see a future with - I wouldn’t because otherwise you’ll be stuck doing it forever and it will soon get really boring for you. It’s best to honest and help him get you there.

Don't fake it cos you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of bad sex. I don't think you can be completely honest and tell him you've been faking all along. That would be very hurtful. Maybe think about the ways your past partners made you orgasm and try and bring that into sex with your new partner. You could talk about what you like and guide him, telling him that that is what makes it extra good for you.

I think the mistake you made was telling him you were all good when you weren't. Now you've progressed on to faking it. What's next?

Now it's up to you to turn it around and start telling him what you 'really like' to try and get it working - it might just be though that you're not sexually compatible and it would be better just to move on.

Thanks for your advice.

I don’t want to hurt him and I really don’t want to lose him. I’m going to try to help him and work with him in a way to help us both.

Does he take the lead or have you?

The problem you're got here is that essentially you were lying to him but something that was very fundamental to the intimacy between you.

When he finds out the truth who knows how he will respond.

My wife did the same to me and for years I wondered what else whe could be lying about.. It did a huge amount of damage to our relationship that took years to undo.

It's really not fair on either of you.
If or when he finds out he will be devastated so you either need to cut your losses on a relationship that is always going to be more of a friendship or risk losing him but starting from scratch on trying to build a chemistry that may never be there.

Honestly, no matter how brutal it might feel is always going to be the best policy

Hey @CuriousD

Thanks for this. How did you find out? Did she tell you or did you work it out?

@Biggyfoot thanks. I really like him and out of the bedroom he’s perfect so I don’t want to lose him but don’t want to be faking forever.

Hey @ruffler45

He usually takes the lead majority of the time but I do occasionally.

Why? Should it make a difference?

When you lead do you do things that work for you? maybe with you on top ? or do you have to fake it then as well.

@ruffler45 thanks for this. When I take the lead I do go on top and this does work better but I haven’t quite got there, but you point definitely makes sense.

I think there probably is positions we can try that will work but it’s just a case of finding them whilst keeping him happy and not making him think I don’t enjoy the normal stuff.

He really doesn't want you faking now either but you're lying, even if just to spare his feelings and chatting to strangers even if anonymously.
I live with and married my best friend, we have 3 beautiful children together and a wonderful home but I'm miserable because they're just not interested in the bedroom. I don't know what the root of the problem I'm constantly rejected and undermined in spite of them knowing well how it makes me feel.
Please don't put yourself in my shoes. 17 years is a long time and I've no way of changing it

Why would you lose him if you told the truth? Surely honest communication is the basis of a relationship. There might be other issues in the future. You can't hide stuff. While it is not easy to bring up this topic, you shud approach it sensitively. Perhaps say, Can you try it like this? Or maybe guide his hands to show him how you like it. Some men find that sexy. Else it is unfair to increase his sexual confidence wrongly.

The lie is already there.

Talk to him, "just a bit to the left" "ooh a bit harder" just some simple words and then "praise" him when he does it, he will soon get the idea if you tell him. most (but unfortunately not all) men are happy to hear things like that if they know it makes things better and "keep him happy" at the same time.

@liveforsaturday

When we first became sexual after a few months of dating I noticed her breath changes preceeding climax seemed unlike my previous lovers; and she did not have the involuntary pelvic contractions I had experienced before climax with other women. So I asked her directly of she was having orgasms and she said yes. I took her on her word .

A few years later when our marriage was on the rocks it came up in the first couple of counselling sessions that she had never reached orgasm with me.

I was very angry about being lied to about something so important for so long, especially when I had asked the question in attempt to solve the problem at the start.

But after a while I noticed it was part of a more general pattern of low passion and avoidance of emotional intimacy which is not specific to me but part of her interaction with people in general. (Unless she is fighting with a sibling 😆 - all energy and intimacy then)