Why am i always initiating?

[EdieEllen09]

Hello, Im looking for some advise. I have been dating this guy since January and it has been going really well. We are both 34 years old with good jobs and he has a six year old son from a previous marriage. So far he seems to be everything i have been looking for in a man. Hes a great communicator, makes me feel valued, respected, makes me feel beautiful. We see each other maybe 2 or 3 times a week and we always have a great time together.

Hes spoken about the future on many occasions i.e. talking about
"when we move in together" and "hopefully when we get married" so i know that he sees a future with me, as i do with him. The only thing that's niggling at me is our sex life. Without being too revealing our sex is fantastic and he's a very attentive partner so that not the issue, the issue is i always seem to be the one initiating and if i don't then we don't have sex and i guess its making me feel like he's not interested. Don't get me wrong, if i initiate he is very responsive and has never turned me down but I'm just not used to this.

Every other partner I've had in the past has been all over me, initiating, sexting, flirty messages etc and he's just not and i kinda miss it. I don't know if this means he is less interested or if this is just the way he is. How would i bring this up in conversation without making it seem i am comparing him to other people or that I'm accusing him of not being good enough?
Bar this issue i have no complaints about the relationship but I'm starting to feel reluctant to initiate sex now without feeling like a pest.

OP, maybe he is just playing it carefully. Over the years MN has been riddled with posts, “husband keeps pestering for sex”, “he has higher sex drive” etc. He could be aware of such attitudes so plays it cool.

Does it really matter who initiates, providing the sex is good?

i did wonder this myself to be fair. I totally get that if thats the case. I suppose i just feel that maybe hes not too fussed either way and im not sure how to take that.

It sounds like he is just trying to be considerate but I absolutely understand how you feel as my husband is like this. You just want them to show they want you once in a while!

I know it might be uncomfortable but could you just ask him in a relaxed way if he feels awkward initiating sex?
Phrase it in such a way that he's a great lover (assuming he is) but you would really like it if he's more assertive and suggested whatever thing you/he desire?

Tap him on the bottom as you walk past him on the kitchen and then say with a smile "I'd love it if you randomly groped me every now and then". Send him a cheeky text while you're watching TV together and when you see him react to it, tell him you'd find it hot if he sent you random sexy messages.

Basically tell him what to do in a light hearted way without comparing him to anyone else or complaining at the current lack.

Initiating is one thing. A caress is nice, but please, not a grope. I don’t want to hijack the thread and the well thought out responses but to me, “grope” suggests unwanted attention.

Yes, sounds like he's just being cautious. Give him a hint, using the language of your choice. From a man's point of view it is fine line sometimes between showing interest and going a little 'overboard'. My wife will often say ' have we got time for a little shag then?' Which I find hysterical but it gets the message across.

100% this , ^^

have you ever noticed if has an erection as you get in bed ? , maybe be just has a lower libido than you or has previously been sexually rejected a lot by previous partners?

I have brought it up in a light hearted manner with my partner. Just saying that, I would love it if you show me when you want me or if you initate when we are on the couch. He wasn't doing so as he didn't want to come across as a sex pest but when I mentioned it, he was happy to initiate.