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Original poster

Fancying someone else

7 replies

Whatshouldido94 · 11/08/2023 20:22

I have been with my partner for nearly 9 years, we have two young DC. I know I will be judged but I would appreciate it if someone was harsh with me and told me what to do. For a few months I have been talking to someone I’ve known a while and we keep saying we will meet up. Every time we get close to meeting I cancel after making up an excuse. I would like to meet up but can’t as I am in a relationship. The other guy doesn’t push to meet or anything we just mention it sometimes and then I’ll cancel. I keep thinking about sleeping with this guy. I would love to meet up but I know what would happen.
my partner is away for a few days and I’m so tempted to message the other guy. Im not going to because I don’t think I could actually live with fully cheating and I really like my relationship with my partner even though I feel this way?? We have a lot of sex even though we have young kids, we go on occasional date nights and we get on well so why do I want to meet this other guy?
Has anyone got any advice? I don’t mind being told the truth, I know i look like an awful person. I need to stop thinking about sex with this other guy but how?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 11/08/2023 20:36

Imagine yourself sitting at home alone when your husband has left and is having the kids 50% of the week. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it

Original poster
Whatshouldido94 · 11/08/2023 20:58

You’re definitely right

OP posts:
GigiAnnna · 11/08/2023 21:32

I think it's normal to an extent for things to get stale when you've been with someone for years. Especially with young kids cos you get bored and stressed and it's something exciting that takes your mind off the day to day stuff. But it's not worth losing your relationship and stability over. And even if he never found out, you'd have to live with the guilt. Trust me when I say, not worth it.

User1789 · 11/08/2023 21:58

It is normal for a sexually and emotionally healthy adult to notice other people are sexually attractive. What is not ok is pursuing them in any way while you are in a committed relationship with somebody you actually like. You have done well to avoid meeting up with them, that is exactly what cheats DON'T do. If you can bear it, delete his number/block him.

You need to observe your feelings before you react and respond to them. This is a great article outlining how to grow from this experience: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/21/i-am-consumed-by-a-crush-but-we-are-both-married-philippa-perry

Think about what you would really want with this man long term? I imagine at best, it would involve a committed relationship, happy companionship, healthy family dynamics, and frequent enjoyable sex, all of which you already have with your husband. So what is the point in pursuing anything other than just enjoying the fantasy you currently have?

If it is excitement, or some aspect of this man, consider how you could obtain those things more sustainably? Dirty weekend away with the DH? OMGYes subscription? New hobby? New job or seeking out a promotion? Look inward for fulfilment rather than outwards.

I’m consumed by a crush, but we are both married | Ask Philippa

Don’t take your feelings too seriously, observe them instead, says Philippa Perry. This will help you to make sense of them

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/21/i-am-consumed-by-a-crush-but-we-are-both-married-philippa-perry

User1789 · 11/08/2023 22:06

P.S. For all you know he is shit in bed. He is unlikely to be as capable at getting you off as as a man who you have been fucking for many years. Ponder upon that...

Original poster
Whatshouldido94 · 12/08/2023 00:29

User1789 · 11/08/2023 21:58

It is normal for a sexually and emotionally healthy adult to notice other people are sexually attractive. What is not ok is pursuing them in any way while you are in a committed relationship with somebody you actually like. You have done well to avoid meeting up with them, that is exactly what cheats DON'T do. If you can bear it, delete his number/block him.

You need to observe your feelings before you react and respond to them. This is a great article outlining how to grow from this experience: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/21/i-am-consumed-by-a-crush-but-we-are-both-married-philippa-perry

Think about what you would really want with this man long term? I imagine at best, it would involve a committed relationship, happy companionship, healthy family dynamics, and frequent enjoyable sex, all of which you already have with your husband. So what is the point in pursuing anything other than just enjoying the fantasy you currently have?

If it is excitement, or some aspect of this man, consider how you could obtain those things more sustainably? Dirty weekend away with the DH? OMGYes subscription? New hobby? New job or seeking out a promotion? Look inward for fulfilment rather than outwards.

Thank you! Your reply has helped me and has been really useful. I’ve resisted the urge to message the other guy

OP posts:
missevolving · 14/08/2023 00:30

@Whatshouldido94 op can I ask do you both opening flirt in these messsges? Does he know you want to sleep with him ?
I'm just wondering how it's come to meeting up as friends to this ? Thanks

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