I want to roleplay but DH just won't/can't/takes the piss

[GoodyHoodie]

I am the stereotypical bored housewife with a very active imagination. I'm desperate to liven up my sex life (because otherwise it's literally exactly the same routine every time). I've asked my DH (who is intelligent but quite black and white) about roleplay and he just laughs and takes the piss. He doesn't even ask what I'd like to do, scenarios etc because he's not interested in even trying. I'm very frustrated and consequently spend too much time in my imaginary scenarios in my head (which have progressed to including people I know in real life 😳). How can I get DH on board?

I think you need to be almost blunt with him, as in shock him into action?
My late wife was very much a vanilla sex person for many years, till one day I made a quite crude suggestion about what I would like to do with her.
It was as if a switch had been thrown at that point & she became the most sensual I had ever seen her 💥

I'm with your dh to be honest. The biggest turn off of all time for me would be role playing, I literally couldn't think of anything I would enjoy less. I dont mind toys and being adventurous but it would have to be as "me" and not someone else. But introducing adventurousness is a different conversation entirely.

Two views on this for me.

With a long term partnership I don't think I'd like it.

I have done role play with naughty friends and despite my initial caution, I really enjoyed it.

For me it’s a no no…I once dated a guy many years ago and we are still in touch but he was always ‘yes mistress…do what you want mistress’ that gave me the ick massively probably cause I like someone else to be in control…he has no responsibility’s lives at home with mum and dad despite being 48 and quite frankly is a no no

My DP suggested this early on in our relationship and I was all like err no thanks. Told him I'd feel really silly and massively self conscious until he pointed out he'd feel just the same and we could just laugh about it. No need to take it seriously. We've done a bit of Role play via text (we don't live together so sext quite regularly). It was actually good fun and really hot. Haven't done it in person but I would be more than happy to. Maybe you could suggest trying it via text? As a warm up if you like? It helped me feel less conscious about it.

I find it embarrassing and can't get into it. I think if he's against it then it's not for him and he won't enjoy it.

Have you worked out exactly what you would like? Doe it involve clothing/costume?

Physical props can help.

Fantasy roleplay during sex and texting works. Build up slowly and find something you both would enjoy . meeting at a bar/hotel as 'strangers' is a great one

Unfortunately, if he’s not into it you can’t force it. You’ll always know he’s not into it and that’s a turn off, surely?

intriguing dichotomy there.
must admit to being slightly puzzled.
can you elaborate?
(friendly question I stress - no discipline play or otherwise involved)

I think that it is a shame that the OP's man cannot indulge her on this subject. It is quite right that nobody should ever be forced/coerced/cajoled into any sexual practice that they don't want to do, but this is on the absolute outer edge of that.

Any successful relationship has a large element of give and take - unless one half of it is a total doormat. For example, in my relationship we will often go somewhere as it's a place that my partner wants to visit and I don't particularly wish to go - but I do, because I know that the trip will give her pleasure. I also know that she will reciprocate and go along with something that she is markedly less keen on than I am. It isn't too difficult for me to find a part of a day out that I can really enjoy when that day is principally 'her' day, and she does exactly the same when the tables are turned. We even make a point of telling each other how much we enjoyed a day when we didn't have high expectations of it in the first place.

In that spirit, would it be too much trouble for the OP's man to indulge her by having a go at some role play? If she liked the result, I am pretty sure that he would feel in some way rewarded for his efforts. Remember that this is for the person he cherishes most on the whole planet.

Were you thinking of a set of fancy clothes Jane Austen/Georgette Heyer or slutty foul mouthed barmaid. I know both work (friends tell me).

>> slutty foul mouthed barmaid.
must have lead a sheltered life - never come across that one or handy outfit for.
Does the main get a pint as part of the scenario?
If so isn't there a chance he might just quietly retreat to a corner with it to ponder?

Role-playing can be one of those things which is just cringingly embarrassing for some people, and that is perfectly okay- it can induce anxiety which may be part of why your DH is unwilling to even discuss it and is playing it off as just finding it a bit silly.
However if it's something you are really interested in, try to broach the subject at a time when sex is not on the menu, outside the bedroom. Explain that you would love to continue to have good, regular, fulfilling sex with him and that you need a little more, mentally, to feel that at this moment in your life. In my opinion a good partner should at least be willing to listen.
Perhaps you could find a porn film that works for you which involves a roleplay you'd be interested in, if that is something you both watch on occasion, and suggest watching it together. Or try a very low-key sort of roleplay without costumes or props, just casual banter. The tricky part is not making it sound cheesy which is easier said than done.
Perhaps there is a normal film where the scenario or characters involved are something you'd be interested in and you can use those characters as a framework.

Funny that the OP has not come back to comment.

I think deep down he wants to he's just embarrassed in a way because it's you who suggested it.

I would start by watching porn together. Can be awkward and uncomfortable but it's the way to get talking about desires and situations and turn ons.

My wife won't really talk about fantasies but she will be into things that turn me on.

Sexy secretary - and the outfits that come with it would work for me.

You could play a role and he's just his normal self? So you could be someone else... whatever you want and stay in that character? Be the dominant one and by taking control and getting him hot he might find he enjoys it?