Lost 😞

[HMSIT]

I been married 16 years and thing was great pre Covid. Since Covid things down the hill with newly born nov 2019 lock down March 2020. We also have 3 year old. Any way cutting very ver long storey sort. She is done now and want to end it. For many reasons.

I feel so far she is the only person that turns me on and the only thing I desire sexually. Don’t know how to explain it - her body, feel, intimate connection etc etc is just makes me trapped in this and I don’t know how to get out.

I don’t have any other relationships or cheat to her ever, infect she is the only person I have slept with in my life.

Our sexual life wasn’t best specially last few years due to my urinary stricture - it always felt uncomfortable / not enjoyable to ejeculate or reach to orgasm for me. Even then Mrs had something in her that made me enjoy to certain level. I never had problem for erection being with her, but I struggled to stay erected or last longer. I kind of always felt that I ejculated prematurely. At times we take a pause with pumps thinking that will aid but then I struggle to get erection again.

Since she wants divorce we been sleeping separate for while now (13 months), she is enjoying herself with help of porn and sex toys but I can’t. And that makes me unhappy / angry not because she enjoying herself but she enjoying without me and I can’t enjoy without her.

I am struggling to get erection, stay erected or enjoy masterbate. May be because I am coming to 40 year age Erectile Disfunction thing? Or Stress of separation? The whole cycle just feels confused and unenjoyable very odd feeling - ejection feels so much resistant probably because of stricture.

I feel I am stuck - can’t have sexual activity with Mrs but that is basic need of any human being. can’t have sexual act just myself as explained above - and I am still in deeply love with her and last thing I can think about is to cheat on her to test my sexual ability / erection etc.

we are still husband and wife on paper, no legal stuff involved at the moment, I am moving out soon as she has bought me out of current property.

This is significantly impacting my quality of life.

HELP / OPENION?
Thank you.

Visit your GP, and invest in some kind of psychosexual therapy for yourself to establish whether your ED and PE issues are physical or mental in nature and what can be done medically to improve that if the former; and to try and draw a path for accepting that your ex no longer wants to be married to or have sex with you and for moving forward with that acceptance. Obviously the marriage breakdown is sad and difficult, and it isn’t going to be an easy process, but you need to stop fixating on what your ex is or isn’t doing sexually, it’s none of your business any more and isn’t going to solve your own issues.

Thank you for your response - In between GP and My urology consultant at the moment for either physical or mental.

Have a Sexual Health clinic appointment tomorrow so hopefully that will help.

Trouble is we still live together while all paper works taking its time for new house. So really hard how to not bothered by it. It already hard even to think starting again after 16 years been with her. I am trying to accept and obviously on certain things its working but not sexually at the moment. Hopefully time will fix that.

Thank you for your response - In between GP and My urology consultant at the moment for either physical or mental.

Have a Sexual Health clinic appointment tomorrow so hopefully that will help.

Trouble is we still live together while all paper works taking its time for new house. So really hard how to not bothered by it. It already hard even to think starting again after 16 years been with her. I am trying to accept and obviously on certain things its working but not sexually at the moment. Hopefully time will fix that.