My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Sex

He 'made a mistake'.

10 replies

unknownuser999 · 20/07/2023 19:12

NC for this.

My partner and I have been together for 8 years and we have an exceptional sex life. We are both very open in what we want, fantasies etc. I am 38 and he is 41 if that is at all relevant.

Recently DP suggested we tried invited another man into our relationship as he really wanted to see me be intimate with someone else. He wasn't interested in being with another woman himself. Being completely honest, I wasn't really into the idea at the beginning but after a lot of discussions and the pros and cons I came around to the idea.

It was all arranged and went ahead.

I won't go into the gory details.

Problem is, my DP is now regretting it happened. He regrets suggesting it and he really didn't enjoy any of the experience. He should have said at the time and I would have obviously stopped it. We had agreed if either of us was really uncomfortable during we needed to say. He said he didn't want seem stupid for suggesting and going back on it.

He feels like I enjoyed it too much and has opened a whole can of insecurity worms and I really don't know how to navigate this.

Any ideas would be welcome.

OP posts:
Report
BobOn · 20/07/2023 19:36

I’d suggest he takes a breath to calm himself and reassure himself. This sounds like simple jealousy.

this also sounds like he didn’t think about your pleasure in advance and was really surprised by how much you got from the experience.

I’d suggest watching a few episodes of open house on channel 4 and then talking about how different people experience opening up, it’s quite enlightening

Report
NoDatingFor0ldMen · 21/07/2023 07:38

Not really sure what you can do, what’s done is done.

maybe tell him that you did enjoy trying this experience but that ultimately it wasn’t for you ( as a couple).
not really sure what else you could say

Report
AverageGuy · 21/07/2023 08:06

Unfortunately, the reality can often be nothing like the fantasy. I'm guessing your DP had a "picture" in his mind of how things would go, and it didn't happen. The idea of watching Open House is a good one.

Report
LeisureSuitLarry · 21/07/2023 08:46

I think this is a common fantasy for men, myself included. You should really only dive into it if your reason for doing so is that you derive pleasure from your partner's pleasure. Too many men only get into it to satisfy their own selfish fantasies. They have not even considered the fact that their partner may absolutely love the experience for other reasons than fulfilling their partner's fantasy. This can be a hard realisation once events are in motion.

You maybe need to reasure him (true or not), that the biggest pleasure you got was out of him watching and not due to the other man's skills!

Report
Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/07/2023 10:25

Hes a fucking idiot

seriously
you didn’t want it
he did
then you agreed and managed to get into it
and now he’s all jealous

this is on him and you can’t help him here

Report
soloinaduo · 21/07/2023 10:31

I'm with @LeisureSuitLarry ...
nailed it.

"Way back when" we used to chose a friend for her to play with together and it really was fantastic to watch and see her enjoying herself....(not always though, it must be said...kiss a few frogs etc)

Talk some more...and never underestimate the "reclaiming lustful sex" when you both get together for the first time after.....that was awesome for us.

Report
Opentooffers · 21/07/2023 16:16

Some fantasies should stay just that as reality is quite different. Happily, I have, as most do, the sense to tell in advance what fantasies should not become reality. Unfortunately, your fella has no sense.

Report
Theft · 21/07/2023 17:21

You don't have to watch a TV programme that's not really going to get into the nitty-gritty of your problem.

Find a relationship and sex counsellor with BACP and talk it all through properly.

Report
DancingInLines · 22/07/2023 14:03

Your relationship is very poor. You couldn’t just say that you didn’t really want to do it in the first place. He’s shit for ignoring what I’m sure would have been your obvious reservations. Now it’s backfired, tough. This is his issue to solve now. Who would have thought it could have ended up this way. Ffs. Tell him to get a fucking grip. I doubt your sex life is great, it’ll be about doing what he likes. He’s a creep, and now a jealous creep.

Report
changedname1979 · 22/07/2023 20:22

DancingInLines · 22/07/2023 14:03

Your relationship is very poor. You couldn’t just say that you didn’t really want to do it in the first place. He’s shit for ignoring what I’m sure would have been your obvious reservations. Now it’s backfired, tough. This is his issue to solve now. Who would have thought it could have ended up this way. Ffs. Tell him to get a fucking grip. I doubt your sex life is great, it’ll be about doing what he likes. He’s a creep, and now a jealous creep.

Wow, that’s a little harsh don’t you think? What on earth makes you think their sex like isn’t great? the OP only commented that she wasn’t into the idea at the beginning, she never said she told him ‘No’, they talked about it, and it isn’t his problem to deal with now, it’s their problem to deal with.

This is always the risk with involving a third party, and until in/after the event no one can say for sure how it’s going to make them feel!

I think the answer here is reassurance and time.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.