I just want one night with someone else

[recreationalforall]

I would never risk my marrriage and what we have.
But we have been together since we were 18 and 16 years later i can't help but just want to feel another persons body. I imagine myself being with other men, nobody in particular so this isn't about another individual just the general sense of i would live a new first time experience and all the excitement that comes with it.

I get obsessed with thinking about it. But I know you always get found out and it would never be worth the guilt i would carry for the rest of my life
DH would never ever be into an open relationship.
We have a good sex life.

Anyone else had this?

I’ve only ever been with my DH so I do understand some of your feelings. I wonder sometimes what it would be like with someone else but my DH is really good in bed and I’m not sure I would get a better experience anywhere else. And I wouldn’t want to hurt him or risk my marriage, or have to live with the burden of that guilt.

I guess whether or not you pursue these feelings depends on if you think it’s worth the risk to your relationship.

Probably more common thought than people would admit.Been with DW nearly 40 years, she’s the only sexual partner I’ve had, I’ve definitely thought about what it would be like with someone else and how it would feel and what would be different, she’s had other sexual partners and I have, many years ago, asked her what it was like , she didn’t say it was better or worse, just different size wise and how that felt . Would I go with someone else, would it really be worth it for what might not be anything any different, I don’t have the answer to that

I’ve had a few different partners via ONS & relationships, and to be honest unless they had 3 breasts or 2 heads, you don’t really remember what the sex was like, it’s more about how that person made you feel.

the best sex has been with the person who made my feel the most comfortable & loved & desired, the worst with someone who didn’t care about me

I think if you are in a good place having enjoyable sex with someone who wants you, that’s perfect

I’ve had 3 long term relationships with very active antics, I’ve slept with 45ish women since I was 18 but it was all pretty meaningless compared to the long term relationships, it’s all about sex, companionship, knowing what each other wants and needs. I’m currently single, male. and 46yo and am not interestied in ONS (maybe I would!) but sex is about relationships, soul, pleasing the other party (which it always has been), and waking up in a wonderful intertwined cuddle.

I’ve had a few ONS’s in my late teens / early 20’s. They never made me feel good about myself and the best sex I’ve had is in relationships. If you’re not happy with your sex life overall why not spice it up a bit, go on love honey and choose a different product every month, or around Christmas try the advent calendar. I really wouldn’t encourage you to have a ONS. You don’t always get found out now, but many people struggle to live with the guilt, end up confessing and their relationship never truly recovers. It’s very hurtful

I get your thoughts OP. It's a situation I've never been in. When I first became sexually active (I don/t subscribe to this "lost virginity" nonsense, it's male created speak) back in my teens I "tried" 2 different people in one week.

I can't imagine ever knowing one person.

Have you spoken to your husband about this? Maybe you can come up with a practical solution that he is happy with too, which is far distant from an open relationship?

I understand OP. I had 2 ONS before sleeping with the same man for 23yrs. I felt I was missing out through those 23 years, as I often wondered what it would be like with other men.

Sex with X had peaks and troughs, but was always safe and I could be me. It was great at times, crap at others. We tried all sorts and explored many things. We knew each others bodies so very well and knew the buttons to push to get things going.

After that ended, I went discovering! The thrill of the chase is fun. The new body is fun. But that's all it is, a momentary pleasure.

If you choose to meet people via a dating site, you get the build up of messaging, meeting for a coffee to see if you click, and if you do, the anticipation of meeting to take things further, then meeting again and again. Takes about 4-5 months for me for the excitement of that to pass.

If it's a ONS, then it's either really good or really crap during, but that pleasure and excitement is gone even quicker. Two of the men couldn't even remember my name the next morning. The one who was the best ONS I ever had was forgiven. The other couldn't get an erection, so he was not forgiven!

I'm currently with a FWB, met online, been seeing him on and off for 3 years. Not serious. We're both looking elsewhere. But because we've been having sex so long, and have a good friendship, sex with him is better than any ONS, as it's engaging, it's funny, we know what the other likes, cuddly wake ups are lovely and we respect and care for the other.

So having said all that, my advice is to keep it as a thought. Don't act on it. The momentary pleasure is a real high, no denying it. But that's all it is. IMO, it's not worth risking the long term love and care for a short time physical high.

I know it isn't worth losing everything else but i think there is a level of sacrifice which we sign up to i guess.

The thrill, the chase, the tension, the exploration. the nerves, the newness.

I have so many be benefits, love, security, trust, respect, friendship and orgasms.

It's the pay off i guess.

Was with my my first BF/DH for over 20 years so completely understand where you’re coming from. But I would say that actually the fantasy is better than doing it for real… so definitely not worth the risk

How about sharing the fantasy with your DH? A bit of role play- sexting each other during the day, going on a date night (maybe one of you going straight from work so you haven’t seen each other all day) and meeting in a pub or hotel bar. Introduce yourselves as strangers (maybe even inventing new personalities/fake name etc?). If funds allow, book into the hotel overnight but if not, keep the imagined scenario going back home. And do something a bit different to normal (even if just as simple as new lingerie or play with ice-cubes, whipped cream etc…). OK you will still be familiar with each others bodies but it is still possible to ‘spice things up a bit’

I’ve also only had one sexual partner. I haven’t wondered about experiencing other people recently, but I definitely did in my 20s. You know that the novelty would wear off and it isn’t worth it, but it’s a fun little fantasy to have if you can manage to not obsess over it. I love @Incognito2023 ’s idea!! I will suggest that to DP later!

I understand where you are coming from OP having been through something similar. But didn't act on it which am glad for as couldn't cope with the guilt.

@Incognito2023 has some fab suggestions for you, OP. Go for It, go wild, eliminate the monotony, but the fantasy of one night with someone other than a long-term partner must be incredibly common, so I'd not feel bad for imagining what It would be like.