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Is sex comfortable?

8 replies

jjmm06 · 14/07/2023 22:36

I've been with my wife for about 12 years, and we had our second baby just over a year ago. Since we've been sexually active again, she's found sex quite uncomfortable, so we stop quite quickly. Whilst discussing it, she said she's never really found sex comfortable, even before the kids, but loves the overall experience of being close etc. This has knocked me for six a bit. Not sure if it's my male ego, but I feel gutted that she's never really enjoyed the feeling of having sex.
From a female perspective, is it normal to not to find the physical act of penetration comfortable and enjoyable? I'm average sized. She's never orgasmed through penetration, but does through oral.

OP posts:
allthebeautifulflowers · 15/07/2023 00:04

The only times I find sex uncomfortable are when I'm not sufficiently relaxed. This could be lack of foreplay, not being comfortable with my partner or having other stresses on my mind. If it's penetration that's uncomfortable, it might be worth talking to a GP about the possibility of a condition like vaginismus. Talking about and focusing on aspects that do give her pleasure could also help.

DixonD · 15/07/2023 00:27

I’ve never found it uncomfortable. Her issues may possibly be psychological but either way, she might benefit from seeking advice.

NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 15/07/2023 08:15

This is difficult, but sex should be enjoyable, lovable, and mutually fun. If DW doesn’t orgasm from PIV, we would play and and sure she does first, but an admission after 12years that someone doesn’t enjoy sex is really a kick in the nuts. It would shatter me and I’ve have to know if she’s ever enjoyed sex with other people, what could I do to make it better - or just cry. I cannot have sex with someone who isn’t enjoying it, so if a partner came out with this I would be distraught. I genuinely hope you get this sorted as I cannot imagine this

Zanatdy · 15/07/2023 08:25

Sounds like she’s not aroused enough, try using some lube, it helps a lot. What about introducing a vibrator, try and encourage her to relax too. Lots more foreplay, plus maybe a massage etc. Sex can hurt women if you’re not aroused, not sure if you’re penis is larger than average too, that could be contributing

Zanatdy · 15/07/2023 08:26

Sorry see you said you’re average size. I’d also encourage her to see the GP and be honest.

StarlightLady · 15/07/2023 11:38

OP, sex should not be uncomfortable. Do you use or have you used lube?

Aside from that, not climaxing through penetration but climaxing from oral is not unusual. Nor is it a problem in my view providing you are getting there.

MaryJean87 · 15/07/2023 11:44

I've never found the penetration aspect painful. I really enjoy climaxing this way. I do get a bit of mild pain across my c section scar occasionally. Maybe she could see her GP to see if everything is OK down there. Lots of women don't climax through penetration and need clit stimulation. For me to orgasm through penetration I really need G spot stimulation.

Mermaidparades · 15/07/2023 12:04

It isn’t normal to find sex uncomfortable, please encourage your DW to make an appointment to see her Dr. Sex should feel good and it’s not fair that she’s missing out! Your DW has told you that she loves the overall feeling of closeness, so try not to be too offended!

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