O.K so here's the lowdown, I've been with my wife now for a very long time, nearly 20 years.. in that time we've had a great sex life (at the start of our relationship) then in the middle it was basically non-existent, and we almost ended up separating because of it, and these days it's a lot more relaxed, we still have great sex but we don't put any pressure on it, if it's a few months between sessions then fine, if it's once every couple of weeks, then fine.. parenting usually takes it out of both of us, so it's not so much of a big deal anymore.
anyway, the last time we had sex my wife wanted to start things off by talking about fantasies etc, we'd both had a few to drink and she seemed hesitant to share anything too crazy, so i thought I'd get things going and opened up the possibility of involving more people in our sex life, i asked her if she had any fantasies about MMF threesomes or MFF, or someone else with me watching, etc etc, it was more explorative and conversational as opposed to "i want this to happen".. i thought she'd find this as hot as i did as she also has her own kinks that she knows I'm not really into, and tbh she was actually really receptive to it at the time, we talked about how it might happen, and how it could work for both of us, if it involved another guy what type of guy she'd go for and all that stuff, it was just a bit of a giggle, and then i thought no more about it really, we concluded that although we are probably a long way from rocking up at a swingers party, opening up the possibilities of sex was probably the way forward, then we had sex.. it was great, everything was fine and we got on with our lives.
Since then whenever we've spoken about sex in general she's mentioned it, but almost in the complete opposite way to how we were discussing it in that conversation? I get the feeling that now she sees it as very much a "Me" thing and she's insinuated that i might be a "cuck" which i very quickly shot down and reiterated that fantasies are one thing but reality is another, and I'm not even sure if i could actually go through with it in reality,
The problem is she's accidentally let slip that she's told her best friend about it, and she's in a circle of friends that are also my friends too, so now i feel deeply embarrassed by it all and wish I'd never said anything, I just assumed that after 20 years or so together, there are certain things that are kept "in-house" it's probably the most intimate conversation we've had in a decade or so, and at the time i felt really close to her and like we had this really cool safe space where we could talk about anything at all without judgement, and i feel like she's panicked and gone off like a shotgun to anyone that would listen before speaking to me about it again.
Am i over-reacting? She doesn't see any issue with this at all, apparently there's nothing she wouldn't share with her best friend who she sees like a sister and she said girls talk about this kind of stuff all the time?
The whole point of the conversation was around experimenting with different ideas now that we've been together for a long time and vanilla sex isn't really exciting either of us, I was actually kind of excited as to what this next chapter of our sex lives could hold, but now i just feel like closing up and never mentioning sex again or suggesting/doing anything even slightly adventurous in case it's shared around our friendship circle and I'm painted as some kind of weird pervert.