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Sex

Is this normal?

18 replies

Psm92 · 06/07/2023 17:33

Never realllllly had casual sex before. Hooked up the other day with a guy from Feeld and we had sex. He was perfectly lovely but it was weird. It's like, my body did all the things it's supposed to do, and I suppose I was turned on, but it wasn't particularly pleasurable? He wasn't bad at sex, or inattentive, and I felt perfectly safe...it just wasn't very exciting? Bit confused as I've never experienced this before. I suppose most of my sex has been in relationship where that spark/chemistry/connection makes you more turned on. But even without all that, surely it's supposed to feel good, like, physiologically? I'm not on any medications or anything that'd affect my sex drive, and I get plenty turned on in general!

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Theft · 06/07/2023 18:24

Yes it's because there is no connection.

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Psm92 · 06/07/2023 18:28

sure, but sex is still supposed to feel good, surely?

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Rhass · 06/07/2023 19:14

Interesting! The question is, would you do it again or not ?

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DixonD · 06/07/2023 19:19

Psm92 · 06/07/2023 18:28

sure, but sex is still supposed to feel good, surely?

I think good sec, especially for women, begins in your head.

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DixonD · 06/07/2023 19:19

Sexxxxxxx!!!

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DixonD · 06/07/2023 19:19

Stupid phone 😁

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Psm92 · 06/07/2023 19:23

Probably! But it would be nice not to feel bored by it...he was a perfectly attractive, interesting guy too, so no idea what's going on. I'm far more turned on even by myself than I was with him!

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Rhass · 06/07/2023 19:29

Try a glass of red, or vodka next time 🤣

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Superdupes · 06/07/2023 19:34

Maybe casual sex just isn't for you.

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DixonD · 06/07/2023 20:37

Superdupes · 06/07/2023 19:34

Maybe casual sex just isn't for you.

Maybe it’s this. Usually, the most obvious explanation is the right one. It helps to have a connection; I don’t find people attractive without it no matter how good looking they are.

Maybe the next one, if you have another attempt, might be a better fit.

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Candidate987 · 06/07/2023 22:11

@Psm92 It sounds as though, for you, an initial emotional connection is crucial for you to enjoy the sexual connection.
For some people, sex is no different to a game of tennis, where turning up at the club and playing with with a random stranger of the same age and ability might be an afternoon well spent.
If you didn't know it about yourself before, you do now.

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TitInATrance · 07/07/2023 07:47

You need to really fancy him, whether you’ve just met or been together a while. That might mean no casual hookups, or very few; it might mean you just didn’t have a spark with that particular man.
Being a good match “on paper” isn’t enough. Although ime it’s enough for many men, until they get past 50.

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Bexx87 · 07/07/2023 08:23

I think loads of factors come into it. How much you fancy him, how experienced he is or isn't, the reasons you're doing it. I've had sex with someone when I felt I should when really I shouldn't have bothered. Some will disagree with me but I think penis size comes into it, if you're used to a big one, one much below average isn't going to hit the spot. And sexual chemistry is important. The best sex for me is with my husband, we've been together 8 years and he's had a lot of time to get to know my body and the things that make me orgasm effectively.

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Psm92 · 07/07/2023 11:58

@Candidate987 Yeah I think this is definitely true! Not necessarily even an emotional connection, just a connection of sorts...whether it's sense of humour, intellectual, worldview etc. As lovely as the guy was, there wasn't much chemistry so it probably did feel a bit forced! Thanks for the insights, all.

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BobOn · 07/07/2023 14:57

Probably a bit early to write off hook-ups without seeing if this is a one off?

To use an analogy - I've had the occasional less than great burger from my fave fast food delivery place - it hasn't stopped me enjoying burgers from there though, just because of one duff experience!

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Psm92 · 10/07/2023 14:56

@BobOn Excellent point! I will persevere.

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mnmnddddd · 11/07/2023 06:35

I've had sex like that with a long term partner. Sometimes your head's just not in the game, whether you're with "the right person" or not.

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OfcourseitsaNC · 11/07/2023 22:24

Current FWB was supposed to be a casual hook up. First sex was rubbish, but the more I got to know him, the better the sex got. I think it was because I'd just come out of a 20yr marriage to a man with a very large penis. He was my first, so I didn't realise how big he was until I started having different partners. As I've settled into having casual sex, I get more out of those first encounters. One man I hooked up with in a bar took my breath away. He was my XHs size but used it far far more effectively than XH ever did.

So I agree with @Bexx87 and @BobOn Penis size may have something to do with it and the more you try, the more you can work out what tastes good to you.

Good luck working it all out

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