i did this about ten years ago, and I have complex emotions about it now (and have NCd for obvious reasons here).
In was 30, a year single and in a very busy job they really left me no time or energy or money for dating. but the urges were there, and even though i masturbated occasionally when they struck, I wanted a man. The thought of paying was a turn on in itself, and ridiculously I thought that if they were ‘professional’ sex workers they’d somehow be amazing. Like they’d got a degree in it or something!
I got some back pay and decided to treat myself to an escort. The thought of it was, and in some ways still is, a turn on, and in a way sort of made it worth it. But the experience itself was not great. Looking back, it was absurdly expensive and there was absolutely nothing beyond the purely mechanical act. It wasn’t the earth shattering erotic experience I wanted. I was too nervous, too conflicted, and it was more awkward than anything.
But it’s strange because despite that I often don’t regret it. I have thought about it a lot since and am still conflicted. I must admit that when I masturbate now (which isn’t often) I sometimes think of it. Not so much the sex itself as the preparation and my own ‘naughty’ behaviour in seeking it out. Maybe that was the thrill I was seeking. It’s brought me much more joy before and afterwards than it did on the night.
Anyway, I don’t judge. Everyone has their own needs and desires. I wouldn’t do it again, even though sometimes o think about it as an erotic thrill. For me, sex is only at its best with someone I have a mental connection with. And nowadays it’s probably even easier than it was then to meet someone quickly and for free.