Looking for some opinions - am I being unreasonable?
dp has always been interested in sex. We’re still young (late 20s) and he was my first so he basically ‘taught’ me everything. He has always said his sex drive is every 3 days. We’ve only ever done it more than once in a day about 3/4 times in 8 years.
I was always shy and as I didn’t know much I didn’t have the confidence to be freaky in the beginning of our relationship. He’s the dominant one so he’s always taken control. It just turned into a situation over the years where we only have sex when he wants it. I had tried over the years to come onto him but he has never liked me initiating sex.
I believe it’s a control/dominance issue. I have tried dressing up in sexy lingerie and I’d just get rejected, I’ve tried more subtle ways like just trying to initiate a kiss and still got rejected. He would tell me things like how I should wear a mini skirt and sit on his lap, or a satin night dress, or pull him to the room etc yet any time I have tried any of that I’ve been rejected. We spoke on this before and he told me he wants to be the one to ‘fuck me’ and not the other way around.
I’m not overpowering at all and naturally a shy submissive girl so that’s absolutely fine but I would like to initiate myself sometimes when I’m in the mood. The past few months I keep having 2 weeks during my cycle when I am so horny and can only think about sex (this hasn’t happened before) and I’ve gotten to a stage where I really want to be able to express myself sexually with him. During those times he’s known I’ve been horny but never given it to me. I will be dripping wet all day waiting for him to come to me and it doesn’t happen. A week then passes and by that stage I’m very frustrated and angry because by the time he does come to have sex with me I’m not turned on or in the mood like I was before. So I just miss out.
yes I have communicated this to him a few times recently but nothing has changed. Our sex is pretty good, we can have really freaky sex but it has to be based on him initiating and taking control. I really want to have a partner I can jump on when he comes through the door occasionally! I want to be able to kiss and be affectionate when I want.
the past month sex has slowed down. I noticed he hadn’t had sex with me in a week and by the time he did he stopped after 2 minutes because my period had came. After 2 weeks he finally had sex with me but it was a quickie… no foreplay at all which is strange as he’s always wanted to make sure I finish or go down on me to start. The last 4/5 times we’ve had sex he’s just put it inside with no foreplay at all, got his and that’s it.
I know people may say I should just masturbate (which I have considered) but I don’t like doing that. I can easily have an orgasm within 30 seconds if I want, but an orgasm isn’t the only thing I want. It won’t satisfy me. I CRAVE the physical intimacy. I want to have the skin to skin contact, I want to kiss and make out and touch etc.
im currently in that period of gagging for sex. It’s been 5/6 days like this, I will be so wet all day and I can’t stop thinking about sex, I’ll wait for him to initiate but it’s not happening. He knows I’m horny, I even text him telling him I want sex but still nothing. I’m really frustrated!
the part I feel unreasonable about:
a few days ago he found out something personal that’s made him quite upset (not a health problem don’t worry) but just something that we’ve been dealing with for a while. I’ve always been there to support him, when I gathered the courage to text him ‘I want to have sex’ he didn’t acknowledge that part but instead replied with the life issue that occurred. I felt silly for even insinuating sex at that point as there’s much bigger issues. Since then I know he’s been feeling quite down and depressed which I 100% understand if he wasn’t in the mood to have sex. But even when I’ve been going through hard times in my life or mentally I’m still expected to have sex with him, he doesnt put it aside etc.
I thought maybe I should just try and come into him, maybe it will help take his stress away for the moment? But I can’t bring myself to have the courage to even try to come onto him. Also, all I did was lie in the bed next to him last night, ask him ‘do you need any help’ and he got annoyed and told me ‘I don’t want you like this, leave me alone’. He hasn’t made any effort with me recently and then when he left for work he squeezed my bum on the way out in which I gave him some attitude. I felt annoyed - you can touch me when you want but when I’m wanting affection I get nothing?!
am I bring unreasonable to feel this way? AIBU to want sex in this moment? What can I do in this situation? He’s a young, fit man who talks/thinks about sex 24/7 and mentions his fantasies, what he likes etc. I know if another girl was to do the things I do he’s love it and get turned on. What’s his issue with me?