Controlling over sex toy

[Sextoycontrol]

I introduced a toy into our sex life quite a few months ago, it became obvious my DH didn’t like this, even though I did, so we stopped using it together. He would then check and ask me every so often if I had been using it by myself and accuse me of using it when I hadn’t. He accused me again of using it this morning when I wasn’t, I took it out to show him. I’m finding this really controlling, like he’s trying to shame me.

You are an adult with agency over your own body. What you choose to do or not do with a toy is really not his concern. Is he controlling in other ways?

Very likely he sees it as a threat to him , that you prefer a toy to the real thing .
We use toys together a lot and I encourage my OH to use one on herself when we are playing , I find it a great turn on myself .

I think he sees it as a threat, I’m finding it controlling and it’s making me feel ashamed. I’ve told him in the past to stop questioning me and still he carries on doing it.

Some men are bonkers!

I presume he wanks? Tell him when he stops doing that you'll stop using your toy....never gonna happen

Have you used it without him when he is not there or soley used together?

I'd hate that. Some men don't get that sex toys aren't a threat to their penis. Maybe just keep them to masturbation when he's not around if he's going to feel threatened. Personally I don't like anyone using one on me, I have to be in control of them to get to the point of orgasm. So I use them solely for masturbation.

Similar to me. We have used together, but for me sex toy is for my private time. And no I don’t tell him!

Why are you reassuring him and placating him when he's being a controlling arsehole - stop letting him think he gets to decide how you live. You need to tell him that you like it, you'll use it as much as you want and if he doesn't want to be part of it then that's his choice. But he needs to stop trying to control you.

It's only human that we all need me time and toys are an important part of that. People shouldn't be threatened by it. you have needs and thats only natural. You should not feel bad about having some release alone

I’m getting this at the minute op. I thinks it might be a combination of insecurity and pure selfishness.

DH has very little sex drive anymore (unless he is receiving oral sex, then it’s fine 🙄) and it’s been driving me crazy. I’ve tried talking to him, but nothing changes.

He is perfectly happy. I am not.

He did agree to let me ‘try’ some toys, as I pointed out that he was getting pleasure occasionally but I was getting nothing.

Since they’ve arrived he’s thrown a huge strop (just after looking at the packages) and sulked about just imagining me using them.

Not sure how you are feeling but I’m very close to telling mine to go blow himself and finding myself a fwb.

have you used them without him being there?

They are still in the boxes!

Some guys can't get over their egos ever it seems 🙄

Had this with previous partners especially the Greek one.

Boyfriend way before we started dating & still just friends, brought me two vibes at Poundland when I was going through dry patch when recovering from tuberculosis. They where great but noisy! Thought my foster family would hear!! 😳

He thank good ness has no ego in this department...

We have used the toy together but we stopped using it together as he didn’t like it, I thought men were turned on by their partners pleasure, maybe it’s a mix of jealousy and feeling he’s not good enough, even though I’ve told him he is and for me it’s a different sensation and I really enjoy it. I said we won’t use it together but now he seems to want to know when/if I’m using it and frankly I’m finding it totally controlling and it’s pushing me away from him.

OP, if he goes to work that may give you the time your looking for..

I had a similar experience where I introduced toys and it went well for a while. He sorta went off it as it would take up a portion of our evening and sometimes i’d be using too long. It felt good though and like you said a different pleasure. Why not approach your partner and try again?

does he know you use them alone?

This....